Tag Archives: Healthy

A New Year

05 Friday Jan 2018

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I know I have been extremely slack in writing. This will be no surprise to anyone who was followed or known me for any length of time. I have a history of writing faithfully for bursts of time, followed by not writing for a length of time, only to pick it up and start again. On and on the cycle goes.

The main reason for this is that there are many, many, many things I want to write about that involve other people and I am not quite ready to put the stories that include other people (even if I withhold names) out there just yet. But, that doesn’t mean the writing isn’t happening. I still have to go through the process of writing about what’s in my mind. I just can’t share it yet.

These stories invade my mind and I still have to allow myself the time to go through them and let the stories work themselves out before I can move on to something else.

This often includes a process of revisiting the past and sometimes even reaching-out to a long, lost, friend or just trying to come to terms with how an old relationship ended.

There has been a lot of this for me in the past 6 months as our move back home has brought-up many memories and experiences with which I still needed to process and come to terms.

I have also become a full-time university student, via distance ed., working towards a degree. This has been a dream of mine ever since I left High School, when depression and anxiety held me back from being able to attend university. It has been something I had always missed-out on and, being someone who loves school and loves to learn, had always dreamed I would be able to do.

Now I’m doing it and it feels great!

I am also continually improving my health and nutrition and constantly striving to treat myself well.

I feel great.

2018 is going to be a good year.

259 Time to Focus on Me Again

18 Sunday Jun 2017

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Now that I’ve moved and we are more settled in, it’s time to try and start focusing on the weight loss again. 
I’ve done fairly well at maintaining, around, a 5lbs range of what I weighed when we left Toronto.
But, I’m slowly drifting further and further away from that number. I was around 245 when I left Toronto and I’ve been lingering around 249 the past week.
Time to get serious and start focusing on that number going down again.
But, this has become much more complicated than it was before. Instead of living with 2 other people with whom I had to coordinate meal-times/foods, I now live with 4 other people.
When in Toronto, I had my diet sorted 5 days/week and was working really hard to bring the weekends into line as well.
On weekdays I would have water & homemade mocha and a green smoothie in the morning; a salad or grilled chicken and veggies for lunch and eggs and toast for dinner. This worked great for me and I was happy with it for those 5 days.
Since being here, I eat eggs in the morning, try to make something healthy for lunch, dinner can be almost anything and we go-through Tim Horton’s or McDonald’s several times/week. Top this off with the fact that I’m more physically active and getting lots of fresh air which makes me hungry all the time…and it’s bad news.
The other night while having dinner with the family I had a sort of revelation: I don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to eat what I need to in order to take care of myself.
I don’t have to feel bad or guilty if I don’t eat food that has been prepared, especially if I let my Mom know in advance what I would be eating.
I need to do what I need to do to take care of myself.
This is a huge and difficult lesson for someone like me who always feels it is my responsibility to take-care of others and ensure that they are happy. 
I am going to make my goal to stay within my calories at least 3 days this week. I will communicate clearly so that I don’t have to feel guilty about hurting feelings or offending anyone.
I am moving weight loss higher-up on my list of priorities again now that things have settled down a bit.
It’s ok to put other people and their needs first for a time, when it’s necessary, but I’m important too.
And, now it’s my time.

250.4 My Life in Lbs

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

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I am getting excitingly close to leaving the 50’s and entering the 40’s.

I decided to take a look at my weight loss to date and figured-out that I am getting close to a 50 lb landmark.

It depends on which number I choose to look at, which is complicated a bit by the pregnancy/birth of my son.

Here’s my chart from Lose It:

Chart

 

My son was born October 17, 2013 and while still pregnant I had last weighed-in at 315 lbs.

After he was born, I got down to 283.5 on November 14th, 2013, but as you can see it went up from there for a while.

There’s a weird spike to 295 on March 25, 2014, but since there’s a previous mark that is 292.6 on January 2, 2014, I choose to pick an average there of 293 and just say that on January 1, 2014 I was 293 lbs.

With that little explanation, here’s a quick synopsis:

Jan. 1, 2014  (293 lbs) to Jan. 1, 2015 (280 lbs) = 13 lbs lost

Jan. 1, 2015 (280 lbs) to Jan. 1, 2016 (276 lbs) = 4 lbs lost

Jan. 1, 2016 (276 lbs) to Aug. 10, 2016 (250.4 lbs) = 25.6 lbs lost

Total lbs lost = 42.6

Getting so close to 50 lbs down.

I love this graph because it reflects a journey that hasn’t been easy, but I look it and see that I have never given-up. I look at it and I see hard work, perseverance, lessons learned, changes made, struggles, victories, tears of joy, tears of shame and, most beautifully, the creation and birth of my son.

To look at this chart is to see my life-the spikes represent times when life was difficult, dark times when I struggled to get out of bed in the morning and to eat anything other than toast, chips, chocolate and cookies. You can see times when the clouds seem to have parted and I go ‘great guns’ and drop a bit, only to rebound and hit another spike.

But, the general trend has been downwards and recently, the trend is pretty impressive. I have, clearly, learned a lot through my journey.

This morning I am feeling encouraged. I feel strengthened and validated in my pursuit of health.
I am not perfect. But, when I look at my life in lbs, I see a warrior who refuses to be defeated and is constantly honing her skills as she levels up and prepares to, once and for all, take down the big boss.

251.4 I’ll Have a Diet Pepsi, Please

08 Monday Aug 2016

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I did it! Ha.

Below the 252 mark. And, this was after going-through my cycle-slumps. I am excited because I see so much progress in my mindset and my capability to get-through the rough patches with less damage to my health and well-being.

I have entered another 4 week challenge. This time there is $$ involved, so a little extra incentive to meet my goals.

Having said that, after 1 week of having “Pop” as my bad habit I was trying to break, I have decided to switch to another bad habit. If I did fail and have a pop I  found myself saying “well, I’ve already lost the points, I may as well drink as much pop as possible to make it worth my while”.

Not helpful.

This way, if I decide to have a pop on a Friday evening as a treat at the end of the week, I can just have one and will not have to ‘make it worthwhile’ by drinking a lot more than I would have without that mentality of making the loss of points worth it.

Diet pop.

Ugh. It’s totally my arch nemesis.

Some of you may be wondering why I make such a big deal out of it. I mean, it’s not like I even drink it every day. Even if I did, it was just one can/day. So, what’s the big deal?

3 things:

  • It really seems to kill my gut
  • There are certain foods I like to eat with the pop. I don’t like drinking pop on its own. To me, it goes with certain things. Thinking about it right now, I would LOVE to sit down with 4 pieces of toast and a nice, cold, diet pop. Toast with marg&Nutella, toast with marg&Jam, Toast with marg&honey and either toast with pb&j or toast with just marg…That’s a lot of calories to consume just to enjoy a pop.
  • The artificial sweetener, etc. in pop makes me crave more sweets. Sugar consumption breeds sugar consumption and since artificial sweeteners not only taste sweeter than refined sugar, but have added chemicals that cause reactions in the brain, they breed even MORE sugar cravings. What starts off as an innocent diet pop craving once, leads to one/day, leads to a couple plus a small bag of chips, which leads to a few more, a big bag of chips and a bag of aero bubbles…..you get the picture.

I want to become a person who does not drink pop at all. Full stop.

If I declare, here and now, to the world that I don’t drink pop, do you think it will stick?

Can the random, weirdness, of the internet keep me accountable to never again consuming pop?

Is that an unrealistic goal at this point?

It can be tough to know which ‘demons’ to work on at any given time. I have found that the best way to do this is to really listen to my instincts and trust myself.

And, if I’ve learned anything, it is that the very fact that I’m asking those questions is a signal that I’m just not ready to make that much of a commitment to ditch the soda.

Because, at the end of the day, I am doing a great job and taking that 100% away feels like a punishment right now. When I make the decision, I want it to come from a positive place of empowerment, not weakness, just like all the other changes that have stuck have been. I think that’s why they have been successful.

So, I’ll have a Diet Pepsi, please.

 

At the moment I’m focusing on the following:

Exercise Daily: 7 minute workout, 10, 0000 steps, and either: extra walk, yoga/stretch or stair climbing

3 Servs Veggies/Day

3L water/daily

@ least 10 minutes of meditation time before bed. This can be writing, reading, yoga, stretching, playing guitar, walking…anything that makes me slow down, unplug and breathe.

Sticking to my calorie goals

And decreasing negativity.

257 And Feeling Fantastic

27 Wednesday Jul 2016

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257 is a number I never wanted to see on my scale again. And yet, there it was. 2 mornings in the past 4 days. I’m not going to say that it doesn’t bother me at all, because I am disappointed.

But, it’s just disappointment.

I am not feeling guilty, ashamed, regretful or down on myself. I’m not calling myself names and moaning about how I failed again, etc.

Instead, my reaction has been: “Ok, that happened. Yes, it sucks. Move on.”

I feel fantastic. I feel even stronger and more prepared to avoid the pitfalls in the future. I’ve been exercising daily and back on a healthy eating track. I am aware that I need to keep an eye-out for warning signs that I am pushing myself too hard, too fast. I have, once again, increased my veggie/fruit intake and am increasing healthy proteins.

I went through one menstrual cycle without a major crash. I had increased my protein intake leading-up to, during and for a short time after menstruation to ensure that my energy had a bit of a boost. I also doubled my iron supplements during the bleeding time. I was so glad when I didn’t go into the same crash as before.

It’s exciting to me to see all the ways I have grown, the lessons I have learned that seem to be helping me develop a truly, holistic, long-lasting lifestyle that will allow me to really keep it up so that I can, not only, continue to lose weight, but will be able to maintain the loss.

Part of the journey has been allowing myself to make mistakes without beating myself up about it. Embracing failure has really revolutionized my weight loss.

I evaluate the times I’ve slipped by asking myself questions like these:

What were the warning signs?
What could I have done differently to set myself up to make a better decision?
When did I first realize that I was doing something that wasn’t the best for me?
Why didn’t I stop it at that stage?
What could I do to empower myself to stop and refocus on something healthy?
What do I need to do to prepare for the next time this happens?
What are some tools I can have ready to go so that when I see it approaching, I will be able to, easily, grab what I need to avoid the pitfall?

Yes, I’m 257 again, but I’m smarter, more aware, stronger, more prepared and truly am feeling fantastic about the path that lies before me.

 

252 Lighter than What?

17 Friday Jun 2016

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I am officially the lightest I’ve been since T was born. Not only that, but I am the lightest I’ve been since I began tracking my weight on LoseIt back in December 2012.

Soon, I will be waving the ’50’s bye-bye, saying “Hello 40’s, I don’t intend to stay long, because I’m on my way to the 30’s”.

It’s exciting to see the changes that have taken place not only in my body, but in my mind and emotions. I have been able to make the kinds of changes that will, hopefully, see this weight loss as a permanent one and not a flash in the pan like it has been in the past.

I am excited. I am losing weight and feeling great.

It’s incredible how much of a difference losing weight has made in my life. Oh, and on that topic, I should also mention that I have lost 23 lbs since I started this blog, which is pretty wonderful. 

I can’t wait to see how incredible I will feel after I lose the next 23.

Here I come, 40’s, I will see you soon.

263.4 Stairs and Perseverance

11 Wednesday May 2016

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Man, I am feeling great. When I look in the mirror these days I often find the reflection looking back at me is one that looks younger, healthier and happier than she has in years.

However, I am tired this week as the “monster within” is tearing me to shreds from the inside-out and depleting my, already low, iron stores.

But, despite this tiredness, I am making great choices and exercising regularly and am still doing the stairs at work every day; always once, sometimes twice.

I was feeling a tad low on energy yesterday and decided that, instead of going all the way to the top, I would go up 5 flights, come back down, go back up 4, come back down, go up 3 come back down, go down to the ground level and then back up to 2.

But, despite the fact that it was, most likely, the equivalent amount of stairs of going to the top (if not more), I didn’t feel like I’d achieved my goal. I felt as though I had “wimped-out”. So, I turned around and went right back up to the top. It hurt and I was tired, but it felt great to persevere and accomplish it. To top it off, I did 20 wall push-ups just to really drive the point home.

I have some serious leg muscles developing.

My words for today: Perseverance. Determination. Hope. Joy. Happiness. Health.

266.7 The Magic Flute

25 Monday Apr 2016

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Back when I started this massive attempt at addressing the deeper issues in my lifestyle that I felt were contributing to my inability to lose weight, I created a “goals” calendar for myself.

I had a point system that went something like this:

Daily Points:
Drink 4×24 ounce water = 1 pt
Eat 1 serv vegetable = 1pt
Eat 1 serv fruit = 1pt
No pop = 1pt
1 serv Protein = 1 pt

And so forth.

Then, at the end of the week, I’d get extra points if I managed to do the daily things 3 or more times. For example:

4xwater 4xweek = 10 pts
Eat 1 veg/4xweek = 20 pts
No pop 4x/week = 40 pts

The pts could be adjusted depending upon which areas I found I was struggling with the most, etc.

I wanted to come-up with a prize that would keep me interested and for which I would actually do the work to obtain. So, I set myself the goal of 5, 000 pts (or 50lbs) = Flute.

I want to learn to play the flute because I play brass instruments, and mostly bass clef ones, which are heavy to lug around and loud. This creates a problem for me, because I don’t play often due to the fear that I’ll be disturbing our neighbours.

So, I figured if I learn an instrument that is quieter, I might be able to play more frequently.

This worked AMAZINGLY for the first 6 months. It was as if the flute had magical powers. I was drinking more water, exercising regularly, eating more vegetables, fruit and healthy protein and constantly trying to give-up diet soda.

But, as with all good things, it had to come to an end. I have found that I have now outgrown this point system. But, I still have something like 3500 pts to go before I can get a flute!

This has been an incredible way for me to track my progress. When I first started, I was getting very few points at the end of the week. I struggled to eat fruit and vegetables every day. But, now I can’t imagine not having them daily. Sure, there are still days (usually either Sat/Sun or both) where I’m mostly consuming bread. But, they are the exception now, not the rule.

So, the big question remaining is, how do I get myself my magic flute?

The answer seems simple enough. 50lbs down = Flute.

Only 41.7 more to go.

 

Day 1 of the Trial Meal Plan/Swap

11 Monday Apr 2016

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Today is the first day I am attempting to have my green smoothie for breakfast (along with coffee and water), a salad/or similar for lunch and my hard boiled eggs and toast for dinner.

I have already cheated this morning because I had some bread and margarine left over at work, so I had 2 ½ pieces of light rye toast with my morning coffee. But, I have no bread left here, so tomorrow morning we’ll see if I can go the entire day until home-time without bread. That’s a HUGE feat for me as I would be perfectly happy eating bread/toast with/for every meal.

It’s 12:36pm and I’m still working on my smoothie (it is still, partially, a frozen clump-) and have made a salmon sandwich (leftover salmon from last night’s dinner) with lettuce and baby carrots on the side.

I’m going to take tomorrow’s smoothie out of the freezer tonight and put it in the fridge. Hopefully, that will mean that it will be ready to eat earlier tomorrow morning.

I haven’t weighed myself in a long time, so I might do that tomorrow morning and report back. I’m guessing I’m going to be around 272.

My goals for the rest of the day are: Drink more water, finish my carrots, finish my smoothie, have 2 hd boiled eggs and 2 pcs. Of toast with tea and water for dinner and, if I need another snack, let it be fruit/veg or 100 cals or less and finally, to do some form of a workout tonight. I feel like I need a really low-key kind of evening. Maybe 1 tv show with the husband, and then some quiet time (yoga, perhaps?) and an early night to bed.

Also, I haven’t had any chocolate yet today (despite intensely craving some for most of the morning). But, I have a homemade chocolate/peanut butter/pecan cookie waiting for me at home. So, that will also be happening tonight.

Where is my inspiration?

04 Monday Apr 2016

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For a long time, I had a drive to meet my goals. I created a calendar that had a point system that would see my being able to purchase a flute for myself when I had reached 5,000 points.

I got points for exercising, eating my veggies, drinking water, not drinking pop, and a few other things.

This system has resulted in pretty incredible, long-lasting, changes for the better.

But, lately, I don’t feel inspired to work towards that prize like I once did.

Does this mean I should find a new prize? Has the idea of owning a flute grown stale to me?

People talk about “the big why” when you are trying to lose weight. I have mine, and one day I’ll share it with you.

But, I tend to be more inspired by tangible things. And, learning to play the flute is something I think I would, greatly, enjoy. I play the trombone, but I find it difficult to play and enjoy because I spend the entire time thinking the sound of it will be annoying to the neighbours.

But, who doesn’t like the sweet, melodic, sounds of a flute?

So, I re-did my calendar today. After a day of abysmal eating.

I hadn’t prepared food for the week.

And, I’m looking for that spark of inspiration that had me so excited at the idea of owning a flute. Maybe I need to pick another prize.

Until I feel that inspiration return to me I am going to put into practice that old trick, and am going to ‘fake it, ’till I make it’.

And so, with that, I am going to sign-off from here, go to the kitchen and boil eggs, wash lettuce, prepare salmon and get myself ready for a healthy week.

These are the moments that really count in the battle to be healthy. Not the ones where everything comes easy.

To the battle I go. Inspiration be damned.