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~ When life doesn't turn out as you had hope it would – It may not be 100% factual truth-but, it is 100% me.

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Tag Archives: Happiness

263.4 Stairs and Perseverance

11 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by Heather Irwin in All Posts, Seeking Health Now

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Accomplishments, Achievements, Attitude, Determination, Exercise, Goals, Happiness, Health, Healthy, hope, Joy, perseverance, Progress, Stair Climbing, Stairs, weight, Weight Loss

Man, I am feeling great. When I look in the mirror these days I often find the reflection looking back at me is one that looks younger, healthier and happier than she has in years.

However, I am tired this week as the “monster within” is tearing me to shreds from the inside-out and depleting my, already low, iron stores.

But, despite this tiredness, I am making great choices and exercising regularly and am still doing the stairs at work every day; always once, sometimes twice.

I was feeling a tad low on energy yesterday and decided that, instead of going all the way to the top, I would go up 5 flights, come back down, go back up 4, come back down, go up 3 come back down, go down to the ground level and then back up to 2.

But, despite the fact that it was, most likely, the equivalent amount of stairs of going to the top (if not more), I didn’t feel like I’d achieved my goal. I felt as though I had “wimped-out”. So, I turned around and went right back up to the top. It hurt and I was tired, but it felt great to persevere and accomplish it. To top it off, I did 20 wall push-ups just to really drive the point home.

I have some serious leg muscles developing.

My words for today: Perseverance. Determination. Hope. Joy. Happiness. Health.

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Money! Money! Money!

12 Tuesday Apr 2016

Posted by Heather Irwin in All Posts, Seeking Life Now

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Tags

Debt, Disappointment, Happiness, life, Money

*

Money! Money! Money!

I’m 35 and I don’t own a house, a car, or anything of real monetary value. We don’t live extravagant lifestyles- we very rarely go out, we order in a few times a month, we aren’t regular drinkers (and by that, I mean that I have, maybe, 4 mojitos/year and my husband probably averages 1 beer/month), we don’t smoke or partake in any other kind of drug/narcotic, we don’t buy fashion/designer anything, we don’t purchase games, music, or pay for new tech equipment regularly, we buy the cheapest groceries and sale items habitually.

And yet, we live pay cheque to pay cheque and have a significant amount of debt that we are, basically, maintaining (as in, we’re not increasing or decreasing it).

Yes, we have a child and yes, we pay for day care. We have already acknowledged that when he is in school we will have a little bit more breathing room financially.

But, we see other people with children who can afford: car, vacation, expensive clothing, expensive tech gadgets, expensive groceries, home repairs, household purchases (like furniture, appliances), go on regular dates and other kinds of weekends/trips/excursions.

When I hear people who party, go on trips every weekend, don’t have any children and make more money than I do complain about ‘not having money’ it just drives me bonkers. We are hard-working, simple-living, just trying to make ends meet, people. And we struggle every single day.

Does it sound like I’m whining?

Maybe I am, a little bit.

But, I know that, at the end of the day, we are responsible for where we are financially. It’s not anybody’s fault but our own that we: are in low paying jobs, have a child in day care (though, this was still more financially sound than me staying home with him), chose to move from NZ to Canada and the list goes on of personal choices that have landed us in this position.

We dug this hole ourselves. Well, for the most part. There are, obviously, circumstances out of everyone’s control that pop-up in life and require $$ that we would have chosen to use differently.

There is that old saying “money can’t buy happiness” on which I’ve always gone back and forth. There are times I agree with it and other times when I disagree.

I don’t have money. Am I happy? Generally speaking, I think I am for the most part.

However, would I be happier if I didn’t have to live by such a strict budget, If we had less financial burden, more disposable income, the ability to go on regular vacations and buy a $60 household item without a month of debating whether we REALLY need it, or not, only to inevitably decide we can continue to make due without it because, although it would be great and make our lives so much more enjoyable, it’s not an absolute necessity?

Ugh, yeah, I think so.

Doesn’t that kind of mean that money can and does buy happiness?

But, then I flip the coin and I wonder if we, as humans, always want more no matter how much we already have.

If we were out of debt, had a car, could afford a vacation every year, and could buy $60 items without having a mild panic attack, would we just continue to want more to make us happy? Yes, we have this, but now I want…a house, a new sofa set, a new tv…

Maybe the quote should actually say: “money can’t buy ultimate happiness” or “money can’t buy nirvana”. Because, no matter how much money you have, there will always be unhappiness and there will always be other things you want, want to do, etc. There will always be more. We will always be striving to some extent.

If I were more mathematically, scientifically, minded, I would love to be the person who creates a method for measuring happiness. And pain, actually (but that’s a different topic for another blog).

If I were to get $10,000 (for example) I could be completely debt-free. That would bring me to a 4.8 on the ‘money bought happiness’ scale. If I made an extra $2/hr, it bumps me to a 5.1 on the ‘money bought happiness’ scale and so forth. If I had a monthly disposable income of $2000 or more, I would be at a 5.4 on the scale.

And, I’d have a Noble Prize or something and be super happy.

But, alas, I am not that intelligent, nor do I have the energy to invest in such research. I barely even had the focus to write the paragraph above with horribly (not) thought through numbers in it.

But, thankfully, there are people who have the intelligence, energy and resources to put into these kinds of questions and here are a few interesting articles about it:

http://time.com/money/2802147/does-money-buy-happiness/

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-money-buy-happiness/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2013/05/10/money-does-buy-happiness-says-new-study/#73fa309b40b5

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The Runaway

13 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by Heather Irwin in All Posts, Seeking Life Now

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Afraid, Alone, Childhood, Divorce, Fear, Happiness, Kindness, Loneliness, Marshmallows, Running Away, Sadness, Teacher, Unhappiness, Validation

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When I was 7 or 8 I ran away from home. Not the typical I packed my suitcase and walked a little way down the street. I legitimately had run away from home.

There was a boy in my school we called ‘Chip’ and while I don’t remember a whole lot about him, or how he looked (I think he was fairly ‘boy next door’), I remember that we were very similar. We had deep, vivid imaginations and we had an entire universe of feelings/thoughts within us that we had no idea how to handle.

Chip and I decided one day that we were going to run away from it all. The problems at home, the problems at school, the constant feeling that we just didn’t fit in and seek lives better fitting our grand notions.

After school finished one day, we began our journey at the local Safeway. After all, if you are serious about running away from home, you are going to need provisions.

We were beginners at the whole running away thing, however, and perhaps, didn’t make the wisest choices of what we would need to provide adequate sustenance. We also didn’t have any money, so we shoplifted everything.

What great items, you ask, did we choose to pack to keep our nutrition up during this adventure. We started in the baking aisle because everyone knows that marshmallows are an essential item of any real runaway bag of rations. Our next stop was the cake decorating section. We picked-up two packets of candy cake toppers. I wonder if we did this because it was going to be one of our birthday’s soon and we didn’t want to completely miss-out on the festivities? At any rate, we left the store with marshmallows and candy cake toppers that read “Happy Birthday” and contained coloured balloons.

We walked for what seemed days towards ‘the edge of town’. We talked about where we would go and what we would do. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the details of that conversation now. But, I was becoming aware that my resolve in our journey seemed to be stronger than his.

Dusk was settling-in and I suggested we find a place to sleep for the night. We found a culvert that ran under the train tracks. This seemed like the perfect place to set-up camp. We made ourselves comfortable and then broke-into our rations bag. After devouring half the bag of marshmallows and all the cake toppers, we rested. Dizzy in our sugar high.

Chip said to me “what do we do now?”

I replied, “We relax and try to get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

About five minutes later, Chip says with a sigh “I’m bored. I think I’m going to go home.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. How could be abandoning our mission so soon? Where was his resolve? How could he be so gutless?

I felt blindsided.

“Are you coming?” he asked me.

“No.” I replied indignantly. “I have dreams to follow.”

And with that, he skulked out of the culvert and away from my life.

Alone, I sat inside that culvert until it was dark outside. I listened to the light trickle of some water that was running between the rocks and the sound of the world going on around me, without me.

I was starting to get cold.

I was also starting to get scared.

I was alone.

I was very, truly, all alone.

Nobody cared. Nobody would find me. This was it, I would either survive the night and become like Pippi Longstocking, or I’d die in the pursuit of freedom.

I hugged my backpack close to my chest, rested my head on the cold, metal inside of the culvert, and finally drifted off.

I was awakened by a flashing of red and blue light.

And then I heard my name being called by someone familiar, but not a family member.

It was my Grade 1 teacher.

She was an older lady who dressed a lot in purple and would chew gum wildly in her mouth while making the most amazing crackling and popping sounds.

She had arrived with the Police.

It turns-out that Chip had ratted me out. I wondered if he had confessed to our stealing the marshmallows and candy and I clung even more tightly to my backpack in hopes they weren’t going to ask to see what I had.

I pictured myself locked-up behind bars, begging the Police Officers to let me out, pleading with them that we were just trying to keep ourselves alive.

I got into the Police Car with my teacher. The policeman had talked to me, I’m sure, but I think I used my teacher as a personal shield and translator. She would protect me. I just knew she would.

I remember returning home and feeling a mixture of great disappointment and relief.

I was returning to sadness, confusion, fear and anger.

But, at least, I was warm.

I would never try to run away again. But, I often think about that night and my friend, Chip. We talked briefly the next day, but he had hurt me deeply and I couldn’t forgive him. From then on, I went on my adventures without him. Alone.

I am eternally grateful that my teacher showed me that I was worth something by coming to find me. She didn’t have to. She could have just told the police what she had heard and let them get me.

But, she wanted to be there for me. It is one of those moments in life that leaves an indelible impression and, to this day, makes me cry. She passed away years ago, but I will be grateful for as long as I live for her validation and kindness.

And, to Chip, wherever you are-I forgive you. And, I hope that you found the happiness for which you were searching.

*

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