Ok, so writing is a bit challenging at the moment with everything that is going on. I’m in week 4 of my Cognitive Processing Therapy for my diagnosed Non-Recovery PTSD. This is EXHAUSTING. And there is a substantial amount of homework involved that really drains me.
Also, I have started a new job and, in the words of a co-worker at the moment, “it’s Oscar season!”
I’m planning the organizations largest event. Not only is it, typically, the largest event but, apparently, I’m very good at my job and have almost doubled the numbers from last year.
And then, I am continuing to work on the lifestyle and mindset changes necessary to become the healthier me I desire to be.
Also, of course, I am a Mother and a wife.
But, I’ve been doing really good at trying to take care of myself in the midst of all of this. I have made huge strides forward. I was recently very sick, and still have a bit of a cough and some sinus yuckies, and I didn’t binge-out on comfort foods. True, I didn’t totally neglect myself either, but I was mindful through it all.
And, for a while, I had stopped doing my mini-workouts during my workday. But, I realized how unfair that was on me. I had stopped taking breaks at work and was even eating my lunch at my desk, while working.
I could feel how the lack of these breaks was, actually, draining my energy and making me less effective in my work. So now, I am back to focusing on taking 2 breaks during my workday to get active. I climb the stairs, go for a walk or close my door and do some yoga or a 7 minute workout (the App).
I have refocused on trying to ensure that I am eating more veggies and fruit during the day as well. It all makes such a huge difference.
There are a few more changes I am trying to make for my personal well-being. One of them is to do some kind of household chore every day so that it doesn’t all become too much at once. If I do a bit every day, I should be able to stay on top of it and it will decrease my stress. Bonus- It’s added energy being spent. Like free exercise.
I want to be in bed, eyes closed, by 10:30pm. I have this persistent eye-twitch lately that’s driving me nuts. I know that it is the result of way too many nights awake past 11:30pm.
And, ultimately, I’d love to have more tv/video/game-free time. More still and quiet time. Even if this looks like 30 minutes of yoga before bed. Which is also a thing I want to make a “staple” of my day-to-day. At least, a little, yoga. It feels so good to stretch-out.
Part of “putting me first” is actually letting-go of part of me. I have a tendency to want to do everything, and have everything, absolutely perfect. I have had to work on letting-go of this desire and allowing things to be done “good enough” or not at all, so I could do some self-care.
I’m not that great at putting myself first, but I am learning to find some times when I allow myself to become the priority. Even if just for 10 minutes. I really believe this is helping me, my marriage, my work-life and my family be much healthier, happier and well-rounded.
For a long time, I had a drive to meet my goals. I created a calendar that had a point system that would see my being able to purchase a flute for myself when I had reached 5,000 points.
I got points for exercising, eating my veggies, drinking water, not drinking pop, and a few other things.
This system has resulted in pretty incredible, long-lasting, changes for the better.
But, lately, I don’t feel inspired to work towards that prize like I once did.
Does this mean I should find a new prize? Has the idea of owning a flute grown stale to me?
People talk about “the big why” when you are trying to lose weight. I have mine, and one day I’ll share it with you.
But, I tend to be more inspired by tangible things. And, learning to play the flute is something I think I would, greatly, enjoy. I play the trombone, but I find it difficult to play and enjoy because I spend the entire time thinking the sound of it will be annoying to the neighbours.
But, who doesn’t like the sweet, melodic, sounds of a flute?
So, I re-did my calendar today. After a day of abysmal eating.
I hadn’t prepared food for the week.
And, I’m looking for that spark of inspiration that had me so excited at the idea of owning a flute. Maybe I need to pick another prize.
Until I feel that inspiration return to me I am going to put into practice that old trick, and am going to ‘fake it, ’till I make it’.
And so, with that, I am going to sign-off from here, go to the kitchen and boil eggs, wash lettuce, prepare salmon and get myself ready for a healthy week.
These are the moments that really count in the battle to be healthy. Not the ones where everything comes easy.
To the battle I go. Inspiration be damned.