I had been feeling really crummy about myself for over a week. I felt bloated and uncomfortable. It seemed like, just over night, all the hard work and positive feelings I had experienced were just gone. But, the past few days I have started to return to normal.
I saw a picture of myself, that my husband took yesterday while we were out at my son’s soccer practice, and could tell that I have lost weight. Also, my clothes are still fitting comfortably.
This is a win. I have been telling myself all the way through this miserable patch that, despite how I was feeling, I had made strides in the right direction, I had lost weight, I was looking better, clothes were fitting better and I was able to move with less pain. And, while telling myself these things did not take away the crummy feelings, it helped keep my head in the game. I was able to get through to myself with facts. ‘I know it doesn’t feel like it to you, but it’s fact because of a), b) and c).’
A group of nerdy girls I belong to on FB is doing a “Healthy Habit Challenge” again starting on Wednesday. I’ve done this before with them and it has been great to have the encouragement and support and be part of a fun community.
I’m really excited to just keep going on this journey. I’ve just been through a stormy patch and will write a bit more about it and my experiences as I go along. But, I wanted to say that the promise I had made to myself, to not allow myself to be so blinded that I can’t see improvement, has been paying-off. It meant I didn’t completely lose hope when I really wasn’t feeling it. This ultimate truth of ‘you are better than you were a month ago’ fortified me and held me steady, like an anchor.
I did get tossed-around a bit and ate more chocolate and carbs than I should have. I did go over my calorie budget for the last 2 weeks. BUT, it was nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, and I did continue to make good choices. I even ordered a salad while out running errands on Saturday instead of looking towards the French fries!
This is a huge win for me. I had this whole conversation with myself while looking at the menu. It went something like this:
Me: But, we don’t go out very often. It’s a special treat. Surely, I deserve something yummy and “treat-like”.
Other Me: You DESERVE foods that will make you feel worse, ultimately, and make you fatter?
M: Well, I deserve to be able to eat something and enjoy myself.
OM: But, you ENJOY salad. Why can’t that be your special treat?
M: Because, I love French fries. I want French fries!!!
OM: But, French fries don’t love you back. They make you worse. They make you feel sad and gross.
M: Well…I guess that’s true. But, they taste so good at the time!
OM: You have said, numerous times over the past couple of months, when you’ve had a ‘treat’ how you didn’t really enjoy it and while eating wished that you had eaten an apple or salad instead. Well, here’s your chance to get it right the first time!
M: there is definite truth and logic to that.
OM: All the nutrients that will be in your salad, and how clean and fresh you will feel afterwards, compared to how you feel after French fries (which also don’t offer very much nutrition to you).
M: So, not only will I feel better after eating, I will also have the added bonus of knowing that my body is going to be more happy and healthy as well (even if I don’t even know all of the ways!).
M: Sold! “I’ll have a salad, please!”
And I ate. And I was satisfied.
I’m glad I hadn’t ordered anything more. It would have been way too heavy. As it was, I only ate a small portion of the salad.
Mind over matter. The small victories I’ve been gaining for months are really starting to pay-off in the bigger battle of the bulge.