Tag Archives: Atheism

 Sit STILL…

02 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Seeking Life Now, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

One thing I don’t do very much of these days that I used to do all the time, is practicing the art of being still. Back when I was a Christian and heavily involved in church, worship and spirituality, I spent a lot of time sitting quietly. Meditating. Talking to God. Hoping he was there.

There is less of a reason to sit still these days. Or, so it seems.

It’s true that I, no longer, have this idea of a god with whom to sit and be still. I no longer need to spend time spouting off laundry lists of requests, or endless platitudes to prove how much I love him.

But, I am learning there are still plenty of reasons to sit still. To be still and know…

To be still and know…that the building across the street from our deck is gorgeous when it is bathed in the light from the setting sun.

To be still and know…that summer came after a long, difficult, winter and the trees have blossomed into gorgeous green boughs.

To be still and know…that I am ok. I have a safe place to live, I am well fed, I have a family who loves me, I have a job that pays the basic necessities of life, that my son is healthy and happy, and that I have a comfortable bed waiting for me.

Sometimes I still want to use the phrase “I am blessed”. Because I feel blessed. Not in a spiritual way, or as though these are gifts from God. But, my life is a privilege compared to what many others have to face and I don’t take that knowledge for granted.

I need to sit still and think about these things. To think about all the incredible things I have. The places I’ve been, the people I’ve known and the things I’ve done.

Sitting still and reflecting on these things puts my current circumstances into perspective. 

I have been blessed.

I am blessed.

Even if it’s just blessed by chance, or circumstances, or biology. 

I want to write more. But, it’s nearly impossible to write when I fill all of my time with sound, with screens, with social media and all the noises of the day.

I wanted to challenge myself for 6 weeks to write every day. I am learning that this will be impossible if I am constantly moving and filling my mind with stimuli. 

And so, I sit.

I forgot how beautiful this world could be.

Advertisement

I did it

08 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in All Posts, Seeking Life Now

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

*

As a Christian, all glory is meant to be directed heavenwards.  It doesn’t matter how much work, effort or intelligence you put in, if something is successful it’s: “Praise God” or “Hallelujah” and “thank ya, Jeezus!”.

As an atheist, I have learned the joy of being able to claim my hard work, intelligence and effort as my own. It’s great at the end of a hard day, to crawl into bed with a sigh of satisfaction knowing that I did it.

Me.

I’m the one who kept my patience and loved my son through another screaming fit and remained calm while he puked all over me for the umpteenth time. I’m the one who still had the capacity to care for and feed my family after a long day at  work. I’m the one who did the dishes and gathered the energy to clean the bathroom.
Me.
How affirming.

For someone who has spent the bulk life having to accept all my shortcomings as being my own sinful nature or my fault, while giving credit to god for anything good in me, it is extremely freeing and empowering to be able to say, actually, this is all me. Everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. When I fail, when I succeed, it’s me.

It is from MY strength, MY power, MY wisdom, MY tenacity that I have done the amazing, incredible, wonderful things I have done.

Just as it is from MY weakness, MY stupidity, MY laziness, MY complacency that I have made mistakes and fallen-short.

I have learned that, without relying on a god, most things in my life have remained absolutely the same as they were when I did rely on one. And it’s because there is one majorly important factor that didn’t change when I became an atheist:

I’m still here.

Me.

My personality, my characteristics-all the things that truly made me who I am-have stayed the same. I still fight for the things in which I believe. I still show compassion to others. I’m still very giving of my time, energy and resources. I still feel deep empathy for those suffering. I still face every day hoping to do my best to handle what comes my way and to love those around me to the best of my ability. I still lose my temper. I still whine about things that make me uncomfortable. I still get lazy and loaf around.

The only difference?

When I’ve done a good job at something, I can take the credit for it and feel proud instead of having to give all the credit away to someone or something else.

Now I feel whole.