Tag Archives: Health

255.4 Sleep

22 Friday Jul 2016

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I have definitely noticed a connection between the amount of sleep I get and the level of my carb/chocolate cravings!

This week I have stayed up way too late playing Minecraft with my husband. First of all, I LOVE that game. I love that it’s something my husband and I enjoy together and I just find it totally relaxing.

BUT, I really need to set some healthy boundaries around sleep. I have been staying downstairs, playing, 2 hours longer than I would like every night. As a result, I have noticed that I even wake-up feeling super hungry, which is unusual for me as I am not, regularly, hungry until around 10am. The change of sleep pattern and loss of sleep has also found me constantly wanting all the carbs and all the chocolate that the world can offer-up.

When I was getting more regular sleep, I didn’t crave this stuff.

And it’s not just about the amount of sleep, but it is the rhythm of it as well. I have been told that it is best to always go to bed and wake-up at the same time, every day, even on weekends. But, who really wants to do that?

The weekend is for sleeping-in, right?

I am starting to want it. It seems totally counterintuitive, but I’ve been testing the theory the past few months and I can’t deny the fact that my weekend days go far better when I’ve gotten out of bed around the same time that I do Mon-Fri.

When I force myself to get up around 6am, even on Saturday and Sunday, I just generally feel better. I have more energy, I eat better, I feel better emotionally, my mental state is sharper.

So, as I am winding-down from another hectic work-week and already dreaming of digging-out the mine and cutting down some trees, I’m already trying to plan-ahead and prepare myself to enforce a healthy bedtime tonight.

I have been maintaining my weight around 255 lbs, but I really want to get over this hump and start losing again. I know it’s happening because I am on the carb-train and now that I’ve discovered where the carb train starts (with my sleep patterns), I’m hoping that making some adjustments to the sleep hygiene and being determined to maintain a regular schedule will, once again, squash the cravings and realign my energy and focus.

Just put down the pick-axe and walk away…

266 :(

14 Thursday Jul 2016

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Sigh.

4 lbs up from that joyous moment where I thought I had said “goodbye” to the ‘baby weight’ forever.

I lost track of my food plan and with that, my focus. I’ve only just started to realize that I’ve been living with this “summer fun” mentality that snuck up on me and I just wasn’t prepared for it.

I expect to crave carbs during winter, but the summer cravings were unexpected. I’ve found myself thinking ‘but it’s summer, and summer’s for fun!’. Hotdogs, potato chips, hamburgers, chocolate, pop, s’mores…the things that summer is made from, right?

It’s another mindset I need to fix. Why isn’t summer made up of watermelon, strawberries, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, peaches and hummus? It’s just another area where I have all this history and deeply-rooted ideas of what brings happiness. I have clear memories of happy moments in my childhood, during summer, with potato chips, pop and chocolate bars. But, it wasn’t  just the food that made them happy. And, even if it was, it doesn’t have to be the case now. So, I am trying to re-learn these memories and re-condition my mind.

Another misconception I had was that the summer would bring a diminished appetite, so I didn’t worry about pre-thinking my portions. However, this summer, the exact opposite seems to be true. I feel constantly hungry.

Lately I’ve been trying to think of things that will leave me feeling satiated for a long time, make me happy and won’t completely blow the calorie count.
And, while I know what those things are, eating them is entirely different. I bring a jam-packed smoothie to work (Spinach, Greek Yogurt, Banana, Strawberries, milk, ground chia and flax) and I know that it’s the best option for me…but, that Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate bar that was given to me is just soooooo tempting. I will enjoy it more than the smoothies and it will make the chemicals in my head happy. I eat it. And it does those things. But, 20 minutes later and I am hungry again.
The solution seems easy. Leave the chocolate, eat the smoothie. But, and I’ve written about this before so I don’t want to belabour the point, my brain is used to the chemical reactions of chocolate and I know that the ‘hit’ will make me feel happy, even if just momentarily.

So, I just have to constantly retrain the thought processes. And, actually, I’ve had some victories this week. Of course, the best way to deal with it is still to just not have the temptation around. And so, it’s time to remove the chocolate from my desk and put it out on the staff table.

256 today…heading back to 252.

I can and I will.

Overdoing it

04 Monday Jul 2016

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I have this horrible tendency of jumping into things head first. Years ago I decided I would start running. I woke-up one day, headed outdoors and proceeded to run 5k without warming up, stretching, cooling down, etc. and I did this for several months.

My hips and knee are still paying the price for this horrible attempt at becoming healthy.

I still haven’t learned my lesson.

I get too extreme, too quickly and then I crash. My calorie intake was way too low and I had increased my physical activity by too much in a very short period of time. On top of this, it’s been an exceptionally stressful few months.

And, for the past five, or so, days, I have found myself going into that ultimate “survivor” mentality that has me reaching for all things CARB and SUGAR.

I think I’ve touched on this before, but this is a built-in “fight or flight” response in human nature.

See this article for further info on this: http://paleoleap.com/sugar-stress-brain/

I am, desperately, trying to bring my body and mind back on track today. I realize that the “feel good” effects are short-term and that, with every bite of chocolate I take, I’m making it harder for myself to stop and get back to feeling better again.

So far, I’ve failed quite a bit, but have made some good choices and am starting to feel my focus returning, the desire to reach for the chocolate diminishing, and a more level-headed approach to what I’m putting in my mouth.

True, I did have a Mars bar and a mocha for breakfast…and 6 pieces of Cadbury milk chocolate followed by 6 pieces of Cadbury fruit and nut bar for a snack…BUT, I’ve also chosen a banana once (over more chocolate) and now some lettuce, carrots, grapes and a turkey bite over chips, pop and MORE chocolate.

PLUS, my water intake is already triple what it has been the past 2 days. So, it’s not all bad.

I have noticed that, with the deterioration in eating habits, there has been an obvious increase in body pain. So, if I ever question whether, or not, eating healthy makes my fibromyalgia, arthritis and hypothyroid pains decrease, please give my head a shake. It, very clearly, makes a difference.

For the past 2 days I have hurt EVERYWHERE. I even have pain behind my knees. If you were to draw a map of pain on my body right now, the only place that would not be marked would be my nose…and even it has been running more than it should.

Also, part of my stress-lifestyle is that the things that I love, the healthy things that allow my mind to have a bit of a break and decompress, are the first to go (like writing).

That is why part of my 30 day challenge was to write every day. Now, I have been writing (most days) in a journal. But, it’s always been an end of the day, head about to hit the pillow when I spot my journal out of the corner of my eye, quick blurb (about how exhausted and stressed I am).

I need to be more protective of me. I need to be selfish enough to take my time. Whenever I can.

And so, once again, I’m here. Writing. Taking some me time and assessing my journey.

I’ve just been through, yet another, rough patch. But, I’m determined to learn from it, apply some new tools and techniques and be strengthened as I continue on this journey to live the best me that I can.

 

 

258 Bye bye, Baby – Baby, bye bye.

05 Sunday Jun 2016

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I’m excited to say that I am now, officially, the lightest I’ve been since T was born. It feels great. 

Let me clarify. It’s 2.5 years later, I know it’s not “baby” weight. But, it is ‘baby’ weight. After T was born, I struggled and because I was finding everything so difficult, I told myself that I could eat whatever I “needed” to in order to survive the days. 

For weeks in a row, I’d eat mostly peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, toast and chips. Comfort food. And, so, while it wasn’t, technically, the baby weight, it was weight I gained because I had a baby. Also, because of the c-section (after I had gone through labor), my body was incredibly weak with my core having been, literally, cut open. 

Now I can say, the baby weight is all gone.

But, more importantly, that mentality is gone (or, at least is well on its way out). I no longer tell myself that I “deserve” food for any reason. That’s not what food is for. Food is for sustenance-it is fuel. Yes, it is enjoyable as well, but I have been teaching myself to keep its primary purpose at the forefront.

When I’m thinking about eating something, what it has to offer me from a nutriotional standpoint is an important factor in the decision. I have been realizing how much eating healthy foods really does make me feel better (I know…big shocker, right?). So, why would I have a chocolate bar, when I could have an apple that, not only tastes great, but will leave me feeling better. 

I have also been working on dropping the ‘spousal comparison game’. Perhaps you know this one…the commentary that constantly streams in your head that says things like: I am always the one who…I did it last time, why should I?…I wish I could just lie around…and on and on. This approach is living life constantly looking at what’s going on in the lane beside me instead of living my own life. I have been trying to focus on my own lane.

While I have been focusing on losing weight in 5 lbs increments, I am excited that I only have 6 lbs to go until I will be the lightest I have been since I first started tracking my weight on LoseIt in December 2012.

That will be a landmark moment for me and I cannot wait to turn that corner.

253, here I come!

263 Healthy Habit Challenge

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

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I’m so excited to be starting a 6 week health and fitness challenge with a great group of lady nerds. 

Here’s what the challenge entails for me:

30 minutes non-stop exercise every day.

Drinking 3L of water every day.

Eating 1700, or less, calories every day.

Eating, at least, 3 veggie servings every day.

Giving up all diet soda for 6 weeks (in, yet, another attempt to give it up once and for all)

Writing a little bit every day, even if it’s just a private journal entry.

Attempting 8 hours uninterrupted sleep (no screens).

I went through that time recently when I felt really bloated and was super uncomfortable in my body. But, I’ve come through the other side of it and, when I see my reflection, am blown away by the changes I see in my body. I am enouraged and proud of myself for remaining mindful and being able to talk myself through the struggle without letting it completely derail me.

But, this challenge is coming at a perfect time because I was feeling my momentum waning. The women in my group are so encouraging and inspirational that it’s just the boost I need to propel me forward.

I missed my May 30 goal of 260, but I’m aiming to be there by the end of next week.

I really want to do better at writing as well. My writing is becoming boring. I’m bored writing it. I know the reason for this is that things have been really busy and stressful in my life and I haven’t allowed myself the space and time I need in order to be more creative. 

But…that might be changing.

Watch this space.

Mind Over Matter

30 Monday May 2016

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I had been feeling really crummy about myself for over a week. I felt bloated and uncomfortable. It seemed like, just over night, all the hard work and positive feelings I had experienced were just gone. But, the past few days I have started to return to normal.

I saw a picture of myself, that my husband took yesterday while we were out at my son’s soccer practice, and could tell that I have lost weight. Also, my clothes are still fitting comfortably.

This is a win. I have been telling myself all the way through this miserable patch that, despite how I was feeling, I had made strides in the right direction, I had lost weight, I was looking better, clothes were fitting better and I was able to move with less pain. And, while telling myself these things did not take away the crummy feelings, it helped keep my head in the game. I was able to get through to myself with facts. ‘I know it doesn’t feel like it to you, but it’s fact because of a), b) and c).’

A group of nerdy girls I belong to on FB is doing a “Healthy Habit Challenge” again starting on Wednesday. I’ve done this before with them and it has been great to have the encouragement and support and be part of a fun community.

I’m really excited to just keep going on this journey. I’ve just been through a stormy patch and will write a bit more about it and my experiences as I go along. But, I wanted to say that the promise I had made to myself, to not allow myself to be so blinded that I can’t see improvement, has been paying-off. It meant I didn’t completely lose hope when I really wasn’t feeling it. This ultimate truth of ‘you are better than you were a month ago’ fortified me and held me steady, like an anchor.

I did get tossed-around a bit and ate more chocolate and carbs than I should have. I did go over my calorie budget for the last 2 weeks. BUT, it was nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, and I did continue to make good choices. I even ordered a salad while out running errands on Saturday instead of looking towards the French fries!

This is a huge win for me. I had this whole conversation with myself while looking at the menu. It went something like this:

Me: But, we don’t go out very often. It’s a special treat. Surely, I deserve something yummy and “treat-like”.

Other Me: You DESERVE foods that will make you feel worse, ultimately, and make you fatter?

M: Well, I deserve to be able to eat something and enjoy myself.

OM: But, you ENJOY salad. Why can’t that be your special treat?

M: Because, I love French fries. I want French fries!!!

OM: But, French fries don’t love you back. They make you worse. They make you feel sad and gross.

M: Well…I guess that’s true. But, they taste so good at the time!

OM: You have said, numerous times over the past couple of months, when you’ve had a ‘treat’ how you didn’t really enjoy it and while eating wished that you had eaten an apple or salad instead. Well, here’s your chance to get it right the first time!

M: there is definite truth and logic to that.

OM: All the nutrients that will be in your salad, and how clean and fresh you will feel afterwards, compared to how you feel after French fries (which also don’t offer very much nutrition to you).

M: So, not only will I feel better after eating, I will also have the added bonus of knowing that my body is going to be more happy and healthy as well (even if I don’t even know all of the ways!).

OM: Exactly.

M: Sold! “I’ll have a salad, please!”

And I ate. And I was satisfied.

I’m glad I hadn’t ordered anything more. It would have been way too heavy. As it was, I only ate a small portion of the salad.

Mind over matter. The small victories I’ve been gaining for months are really starting to pay-off in the bigger battle of the bulge.

Lovin’ it.

262 You’re Never Fully Dressed…

18 Wednesday May 2016

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I thought losing weight was supposed to make life easier. I’ve lost 13 lbs since I started this blog post and I am feeling great.  But, I’m finding it even more difficult to get dressed in the morning. Nothing seems to fit right, feel good or look great anymore.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look a lot worse than I did before. I have had to actively engage my mind in these moments to stop body-shaming itself and be reminded that, even though I may not feel it at the moment, I am thinner than I was a few months ago.

Back in 2008-09 I lost a bunch of weight. But, I didn’t really realize how well I had done and how fit/healthy I was. No one really acknowledged it. People were telling my husband all the time how much weight he had lost and how good he was looking. But, no one really said anything to me. And so, the reality of what I had accomplished never really set-in.

Fast-forward 5 years and I am looking at pictures of that time and find myself saying: “Holy crap! I looked amazing back then. Look how thin I was!”

But, I never really realized it at the time. In my mind I was still a huge, fat, frumpy, monster. I would be embarrassed when I saw pictures of myself BACK THEN because I thought I looked disgusting. 50 lbs heavier and I am extremely camera-shy. I reserve the right to “approve” all photos of me before my husband dare post them on Facebook. Yet, when I was 50 lbs lighter I still felt this way about myself. Something was definitely wrong with my thinking. This was a huge revelation to me. I didn’t realize how great I looked. Despite all the work I had put in and the obvious results, I didn’t see it.

Years later, as I looked at those pictures, getting slightly angry at myself for how hard I was on myself back then, I was determined to never let that happen again and I made 2 promises to myself:

  • I would get back to that weight.
  • I would make sure I realized it.

Perhaps that’s part of why I write this blog. I refuse to allow myself to do the hard work and not give myself due credit. I do not want to lose 5, 10, 20, 30, etc. lbs and yet still feel like crap because I haven’t realized how much I have accomplished and the fact that I do look better.

So, when I have weeks like I’ve been having when I try on different shirts, pants, skirts, fail to find anything that looks good and feels comfortable, and my mind automatically goes to that negative place of: ‘oh, your so fat. Look at that- it’s disgusting…’ and all the rest of the negativity and personal body-shaming that has existed in my head for most of my life, I have to stop myself.

Stop.

You are doing great.

You have made huge lifestyle changes.

You are beautiful.

You are losing weight and feeling great.

You are making a difference.

Despite how it looks and feels at the moment, it is better than it was.

You will make and have already made great progress.

Keep it up.

So, despite the fact that my pants and underwear fall down making me uncomfortable and I have lost weight in one area which seems to have just made it pop-out in another area, I remind myself that I am heading in the right direction.

My body is going to look and feel differently throughout this process.

The most important thing is to love it where it is, encourage myself that we are on the right track, understand that there will be adjustments, remind myself of my progress, keep my chin up and try to approach things with grace and patience.

 

263.4 Stairs and Perseverance

11 Wednesday May 2016

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Man, I am feeling great. When I look in the mirror these days I often find the reflection looking back at me is one that looks younger, healthier and happier than she has in years.

However, I am tired this week as the “monster within” is tearing me to shreds from the inside-out and depleting my, already low, iron stores.

But, despite this tiredness, I am making great choices and exercising regularly and am still doing the stairs at work every day; always once, sometimes twice.

I was feeling a tad low on energy yesterday and decided that, instead of going all the way to the top, I would go up 5 flights, come back down, go back up 4, come back down, go up 3 come back down, go down to the ground level and then back up to 2.

But, despite the fact that it was, most likely, the equivalent amount of stairs of going to the top (if not more), I didn’t feel like I’d achieved my goal. I felt as though I had “wimped-out”. So, I turned around and went right back up to the top. It hurt and I was tired, but it felt great to persevere and accomplish it. To top it off, I did 20 wall push-ups just to really drive the point home.

I have some serious leg muscles developing.

My words for today: Perseverance. Determination. Hope. Joy. Happiness. Health.

264.4 Victories in the Mind

09 Monday May 2016

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Well, I’ve managed to weigh-in under my April goal weight. I’ve only done this once, however, as when I weighed myself this morning, I was 266.6. I’m pretty sure it will go down again and I am setting my sites on 260.

I know that I am continuously building muscle through my workouts and that will affect the #’s. What I know for sure is that I am feeling great, my clothes are getting looser and I can see the difference already when I look in the mirror.

I’m feeling really positive about it all.

I constantly find that my mindset around food as a comfort or reward is shifting.

I had some serious victories over my mindset on Sunday. We had traveled a fair distance to see my husband play flugelhorn in his concert band, but my son started to fall asleep just as we arrived, so I wandered around a mall for 45 minutes pushing his stroller. I passed a lot of ice cream shops, McD’s, New York Fries, A&W and, despite the fact it was 2:30pm and I still hadn’t eaten lunch, I didn’t give-in to any of these places.

More importantly, I didn’t actually find myself craving them at all.

I went to a shop and contemplated buying a bag of popcorn and maybe a chocolate bar as a treat, but didn’t really want them either, so left with only a diet Dr Pepper (which I had later that night and then finished this morning) and a drink to bring to my husband for his intermission.

When it came time to leave, a couple of hours later, I grabbed a grilled chicken sub (packed with veggies), mustard and on whole grain from subway. I did splurge on a toasted coconut donut from Tim Horton’s…it was Mother’s Day after all. And enjoyed those with a steeped tea and a diet soda.

Last year, I would have been enjoying a chubby chicken sandwich and fries from A&W, or a Quarter LBS combo from McD’s and ice cream, and probably even a chocolate bar and chips while watching my husband’s concert band play.

But, I just didn’t want any of it. What I did have was an “I deserve to eat something truly good and enjoyable”.

And, although I enjoyed the donut, I still found that I, actually, enjoy eating an apple or some carrot sticks even more. I love the crunch and the juiciness of these more than what the donut offered. So, maybe, the next time I consider getting a donut I’ll remind myself how it wasn’t, really, that enjoyable and I’ll opt-out.

My weekend included a lot of walking, fun playing soccer with the boys, a lot of belly laughter (it is a great ab workout, by the way) and some good rest.

I’m hoping to be around 263 by the end of this week, but as the monster inside is due to appear and the hormones will be raging, so the weight and water retention will fluctuate quite a bit. But, when I come-through the other side of the upcoming storm, that’s the number I’m hoping to see.

268: Falling Down and Getting Right Back Up Again

02 Monday May 2016

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When you are trying to lose weight and/or change your lifestyle in some way to be healthier, you will make a lot of mistakes. You will have bad hours/days/weeks or even months.

These can, often, completely derail a person.

I’ve had a fairly rough 7 days in the health department. I haven’t been feeling great and it has slowly been eating-away at my energy and focus.

The reality is probably not as horrible as I think it is in my head, but still, it can be really demotivating.

I didn’t hit the 265 goal. But, since I’ve been lingering around the #, I’m not going to go all negative about it. I just want to keep on keeping on.

But, I woke-up with a migraine today and that really sucks. It means that I have very little focus or motivation for trying to be healthy today. Perhaps that explains why I had 5 homemade peanut butter chocolate chip walnut pecan cookies for breakfast. Sigh.

Today I am feeling more like giving up than I have in quite a while. I had been doing great, but I knew this day would come. I wrote about these “slumps” and while I was on a high I had been working on preparing myself for this inevitable moment. But, I didn’t count on having one of these moments and a migraine at the same time.

I’ve had one bad meal that’s rolled into 1 and a snack, that’s rolled into 2 bad meals, that’s rolled into a few days…

I haven’t been logging food or eating veggies/fruit/protein or drinking water. I am tempted to beat myself up, feel really horrible for this and give it all up. HOWEVER, sitting back and getting some perspective I see that I haven’t gone completely off the rails and I am very proud to say that I have continued with my stair climbing at work (except for today when I just couldn’t bear with the idea of trying to do it with my head already feeling like it might explode).

I go through slumps regularly (I’m trying to track to see if they are related to my cycle) where my emotions and energy are low and everything feels more negative. Perhaps this has to do with my hypothyroidism or fibromyalgia. My Dr. and I are still trying to sort-out the Levothyroxin dosage. She had put me on the 88’s, but suffered depression as a side effect. So, she put me on the 75’s from Mon-Fri and the 88’s Sat-Sun. I have no idea if those 2 days on the 88’s are enough to effect my mood/emotions, etc. But, I’m definitely watching this carefully.

At any rate, I don’t, yet, know why this happens but, having been tracking it for a bit of time now, and I am aware enough to realize that things aren’t as bleak as they may feel. Even my health and nutrition. I have been doing a great job, despite some recent poor choices (ie. 5 cookies for breakfast). I also know that the sooner I up my water/fruit/veg/protein intake, the sooner I will start feeling better.

I just have to get over this migraine. The nausea that accompanies it makes the thought of having my lunch smoothie almost intolerable. But, I’ll get hungry enough to consume it eventually (despite the nausea).

We all fall down – the important thing, like I say to my 2 year old, is to get yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going.