Tag Archives: Weight Loss

Time to Begin Again…Again

24 Sunday Jul 2016

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This seems like a constant theme in my life…I do really well for a stretch of time, then crash for a stretch of time and the cycle repeats.
I like to think that every “crash” is becoming shorter and less damaging. And, I believe that there is probably truth to that. But, it is still super frustrating when I finally get to the point where I am feeling gross, bloated, uncomfortable, unhappy and unhealthy and I find myself saying, as I did to my husband this afternoon: 
“I don’t understand it. I feel so good when I am eating well, excercising and getting regular sleep. I feel so much better than how I feel now. And, I know that this is going to be the case. So, why do I keep going off and doing things that make me feel gross?”
As I posted previously, sleep is a big part of that. Which is why it is 9:40pm and I have chosen to NOT play Minecraft tonight, am typing this and then have my plan in place for going upstairs to get ready for bed.
I feel over-saturated in pop, chips, chocolate, pizza and junk. I am longing for fruits, veggies, smoothies, water and hard boiled eggs. And so, tomorrow I will begin again…again.
My husband and I agreed today that we will become a pop/chips-free household. But, holding to this is the tough part. We’ve said it many times before and have never been able to hold to it. But, I don’t want my son growing-up with these hassles. Thankfully, he does NOT have a sweet tooth. He doesn’t like chocolate, candy, cookies, ice cream or cakes of any sort.
Pop is really the key for me. I can trick myself into thinking ‘it’s not that bad’–I only drink diet, so calories aren’t an issue–and I only have 1-2/day (if even). But, the problem is that I like my pop WITH things. I don’t like just drinking a pop on its own. I like to have toast, chips, bagels, etc. with my pop. This makes the calories add-up and increases the cravings.
There is also proof that the artificial sweeteners found in diet drinks increases the desire for sweet foods (and carbs/salt) making it a vicious cycle. 
I have tried just proclaiming that I am someone who “doesn’t drink pop”, but have always caved on being that person. I want to try again tomorrow. And see if I can go the entire week. 
My husband said that we would reserve pop and chips for road trips and vacations. So, we’ll see how that goes. We are going camping this upcoming weekend. I have half a dozen Diet Pepsi in the fridge. Let’s see if I can make them last until the camping.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Until then, my plan is to fill myself with lots of fruits, veg, lean proteins and water tomorrow in an attempt to get things back on track. I miss feeling better, healthier, happier and fitter.
But, I know that it’s only a few days of good decisions away and I’m totally ready to begin again…again.

255.4 Sleep

22 Friday Jul 2016

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I have definitely noticed a connection between the amount of sleep I get and the level of my carb/chocolate cravings!

This week I have stayed up way too late playing Minecraft with my husband. First of all, I LOVE that game. I love that it’s something my husband and I enjoy together and I just find it totally relaxing.

BUT, I really need to set some healthy boundaries around sleep. I have been staying downstairs, playing, 2 hours longer than I would like every night. As a result, I have noticed that I even wake-up feeling super hungry, which is unusual for me as I am not, regularly, hungry until around 10am. The change of sleep pattern and loss of sleep has also found me constantly wanting all the carbs and all the chocolate that the world can offer-up.

When I was getting more regular sleep, I didn’t crave this stuff.

And it’s not just about the amount of sleep, but it is the rhythm of it as well. I have been told that it is best to always go to bed and wake-up at the same time, every day, even on weekends. But, who really wants to do that?

The weekend is for sleeping-in, right?

I am starting to want it. It seems totally counterintuitive, but I’ve been testing the theory the past few months and I can’t deny the fact that my weekend days go far better when I’ve gotten out of bed around the same time that I do Mon-Fri.

When I force myself to get up around 6am, even on Saturday and Sunday, I just generally feel better. I have more energy, I eat better, I feel better emotionally, my mental state is sharper.

So, as I am winding-down from another hectic work-week and already dreaming of digging-out the mine and cutting down some trees, I’m already trying to plan-ahead and prepare myself to enforce a healthy bedtime tonight.

I have been maintaining my weight around 255 lbs, but I really want to get over this hump and start losing again. I know it’s happening because I am on the carb-train and now that I’ve discovered where the carb train starts (with my sleep patterns), I’m hoping that making some adjustments to the sleep hygiene and being determined to maintain a regular schedule will, once again, squash the cravings and realign my energy and focus.

Just put down the pick-axe and walk away…

The Power of Friendship

15 Friday Jul 2016

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Every once and awhile I get a message either on my blog, or sent to me from a friend via a private message, that lets me know that people appreciate me sharing my story, my struggles, my triumphs and my thoughts.

These messages mean the world to me and I know that I need to do better at keeping up with it.

However, in the spirit of my burgeoning philosophy of self-love and self-care, I acknowledge that it is an area in which I need to do better, but I’m not beating myself up for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am totally tempted to beat myself up for being so slack, lazy, lame, selfish and not getting up and putting the effort in…(see how easily all those words came to me…) BUT….I’m turning it around and telling myself exactly what I would tell someone else: ‘It’s ok. You’ve been going through a lot and you’ve been doing your best. Don’t be so hard on yourself. One step at a time.”

In fact, that’s another life lesson I am finally beginning to understand. All my life I have been able to give others greater support, encouragement, advice and patience than I give to myself. So, I’ve been practicing this thing where, when I notice negative self-thoughts arising, I pretend that it’s a friend talking to me and I tell myself what I would say to them. And, when I say that, I don’t mean just the pleasant, fluffy, things, but the difficult things as well.

I have a close friend who has also said some pretty tough things to me when I needed to hear them. Having friends who can speak the truth to you, in love, when you need to hear it is important as well.

I have had a difficult time making new friends since we moved countries and I am only just beginning to understand how important good friendships have been in my life. Good friends accept us for who we are while not letting us remain who we are. Marriage does the same, as does being a parent, but the problem with familial relationships is that they become too personal. There’s more baggage that comes-along with it all. When a friend talks it just feels less…complicated.

And so, I am learning to be a friend to myself. Also, to really try to embrace the friendships that I have and reach-out to them more. That’s why I write. 

Thus, as I am sitting here, writing, eating a bowl of chips and a jersey milk chocolate bar, my friend is saying to me: ‘Ok, you did that. Now, move on. The next time you put something in your mouth, be sure it’s something that really feeds your body and makes you feel good about yourself. You deserve that.” (Btw…it’s also a reminder I received from a friend today, so THANK YOU!).

266 :(

14 Thursday Jul 2016

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Sigh.

4 lbs up from that joyous moment where I thought I had said “goodbye” to the ‘baby weight’ forever.

I lost track of my food plan and with that, my focus. I’ve only just started to realize that I’ve been living with this “summer fun” mentality that snuck up on me and I just wasn’t prepared for it.

I expect to crave carbs during winter, but the summer cravings were unexpected. I’ve found myself thinking ‘but it’s summer, and summer’s for fun!’. Hotdogs, potato chips, hamburgers, chocolate, pop, s’mores…the things that summer is made from, right?

It’s another mindset I need to fix. Why isn’t summer made up of watermelon, strawberries, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, peaches and hummus? It’s just another area where I have all this history and deeply-rooted ideas of what brings happiness. I have clear memories of happy moments in my childhood, during summer, with potato chips, pop and chocolate bars. But, it wasn’t  just the food that made them happy. And, even if it was, it doesn’t have to be the case now. So, I am trying to re-learn these memories and re-condition my mind.

Another misconception I had was that the summer would bring a diminished appetite, so I didn’t worry about pre-thinking my portions. However, this summer, the exact opposite seems to be true. I feel constantly hungry.

Lately I’ve been trying to think of things that will leave me feeling satiated for a long time, make me happy and won’t completely blow the calorie count.
And, while I know what those things are, eating them is entirely different. I bring a jam-packed smoothie to work (Spinach, Greek Yogurt, Banana, Strawberries, milk, ground chia and flax) and I know that it’s the best option for me…but, that Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate bar that was given to me is just soooooo tempting. I will enjoy it more than the smoothies and it will make the chemicals in my head happy. I eat it. And it does those things. But, 20 minutes later and I am hungry again.
The solution seems easy. Leave the chocolate, eat the smoothie. But, and I’ve written about this before so I don’t want to belabour the point, my brain is used to the chemical reactions of chocolate and I know that the ‘hit’ will make me feel happy, even if just momentarily.

So, I just have to constantly retrain the thought processes. And, actually, I’ve had some victories this week. Of course, the best way to deal with it is still to just not have the temptation around. And so, it’s time to remove the chocolate from my desk and put it out on the staff table.

256 today…heading back to 252.

I can and I will.

Overdoing it

04 Monday Jul 2016

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I have this horrible tendency of jumping into things head first. Years ago I decided I would start running. I woke-up one day, headed outdoors and proceeded to run 5k without warming up, stretching, cooling down, etc. and I did this for several months.

My hips and knee are still paying the price for this horrible attempt at becoming healthy.

I still haven’t learned my lesson.

I get too extreme, too quickly and then I crash. My calorie intake was way too low and I had increased my physical activity by too much in a very short period of time. On top of this, it’s been an exceptionally stressful few months.

And, for the past five, or so, days, I have found myself going into that ultimate “survivor” mentality that has me reaching for all things CARB and SUGAR.

I think I’ve touched on this before, but this is a built-in “fight or flight” response in human nature.

See this article for further info on this: http://paleoleap.com/sugar-stress-brain/

I am, desperately, trying to bring my body and mind back on track today. I realize that the “feel good” effects are short-term and that, with every bite of chocolate I take, I’m making it harder for myself to stop and get back to feeling better again.

So far, I’ve failed quite a bit, but have made some good choices and am starting to feel my focus returning, the desire to reach for the chocolate diminishing, and a more level-headed approach to what I’m putting in my mouth.

True, I did have a Mars bar and a mocha for breakfast…and 6 pieces of Cadbury milk chocolate followed by 6 pieces of Cadbury fruit and nut bar for a snack…BUT, I’ve also chosen a banana once (over more chocolate) and now some lettuce, carrots, grapes and a turkey bite over chips, pop and MORE chocolate.

PLUS, my water intake is already triple what it has been the past 2 days. So, it’s not all bad.

I have noticed that, with the deterioration in eating habits, there has been an obvious increase in body pain. So, if I ever question whether, or not, eating healthy makes my fibromyalgia, arthritis and hypothyroid pains decrease, please give my head a shake. It, very clearly, makes a difference.

For the past 2 days I have hurt EVERYWHERE. I even have pain behind my knees. If you were to draw a map of pain on my body right now, the only place that would not be marked would be my nose…and even it has been running more than it should.

Also, part of my stress-lifestyle is that the things that I love, the healthy things that allow my mind to have a bit of a break and decompress, are the first to go (like writing).

That is why part of my 30 day challenge was to write every day. Now, I have been writing (most days) in a journal. But, it’s always been an end of the day, head about to hit the pillow when I spot my journal out of the corner of my eye, quick blurb (about how exhausted and stressed I am).

I need to be more protective of me. I need to be selfish enough to take my time. Whenever I can.

And so, once again, I’m here. Writing. Taking some me time and assessing my journey.

I’ve just been through, yet another, rough patch. But, I’m determined to learn from it, apply some new tools and techniques and be strengthened as I continue on this journey to live the best me that I can.

 

 

252 Lighter than What?

17 Friday Jun 2016

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I am officially the lightest I’ve been since T was born. Not only that, but I am the lightest I’ve been since I began tracking my weight on LoseIt back in December 2012.

Soon, I will be waving the ’50’s bye-bye, saying “Hello 40’s, I don’t intend to stay long, because I’m on my way to the 30’s”.

It’s exciting to see the changes that have taken place not only in my body, but in my mind and emotions. I have been able to make the kinds of changes that will, hopefully, see this weight loss as a permanent one and not a flash in the pan like it has been in the past.

I am excited. I am losing weight and feeling great.

It’s incredible how much of a difference losing weight has made in my life. Oh, and on that topic, I should also mention that I have lost 23 lbs since I started this blog, which is pretty wonderful. 

I can’t wait to see how incredible I will feel after I lose the next 23.

Here I come, 40’s, I will see you soon.

258 Bye bye, Baby – Baby, bye bye.

05 Sunday Jun 2016

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I’m excited to say that I am now, officially, the lightest I’ve been since T was born. It feels great. 

Let me clarify. It’s 2.5 years later, I know it’s not “baby” weight. But, it is ‘baby’ weight. After T was born, I struggled and because I was finding everything so difficult, I told myself that I could eat whatever I “needed” to in order to survive the days. 

For weeks in a row, I’d eat mostly peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, toast and chips. Comfort food. And, so, while it wasn’t, technically, the baby weight, it was weight I gained because I had a baby. Also, because of the c-section (after I had gone through labor), my body was incredibly weak with my core having been, literally, cut open. 

Now I can say, the baby weight is all gone.

But, more importantly, that mentality is gone (or, at least is well on its way out). I no longer tell myself that I “deserve” food for any reason. That’s not what food is for. Food is for sustenance-it is fuel. Yes, it is enjoyable as well, but I have been teaching myself to keep its primary purpose at the forefront.

When I’m thinking about eating something, what it has to offer me from a nutriotional standpoint is an important factor in the decision. I have been realizing how much eating healthy foods really does make me feel better (I know…big shocker, right?). So, why would I have a chocolate bar, when I could have an apple that, not only tastes great, but will leave me feeling better. 

I have also been working on dropping the ‘spousal comparison game’. Perhaps you know this one…the commentary that constantly streams in your head that says things like: I am always the one who…I did it last time, why should I?…I wish I could just lie around…and on and on. This approach is living life constantly looking at what’s going on in the lane beside me instead of living my own life. I have been trying to focus on my own lane.

While I have been focusing on losing weight in 5 lbs increments, I am excited that I only have 6 lbs to go until I will be the lightest I have been since I first started tracking my weight on LoseIt in December 2012.

That will be a landmark moment for me and I cannot wait to turn that corner.

253, here I come!

263 Healthy Habit Challenge

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

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I’m so excited to be starting a 6 week health and fitness challenge with a great group of lady nerds. 

Here’s what the challenge entails for me:

30 minutes non-stop exercise every day.

Drinking 3L of water every day.

Eating 1700, or less, calories every day.

Eating, at least, 3 veggie servings every day.

Giving up all diet soda for 6 weeks (in, yet, another attempt to give it up once and for all)

Writing a little bit every day, even if it’s just a private journal entry.

Attempting 8 hours uninterrupted sleep (no screens).

I went through that time recently when I felt really bloated and was super uncomfortable in my body. But, I’ve come through the other side of it and, when I see my reflection, am blown away by the changes I see in my body. I am enouraged and proud of myself for remaining mindful and being able to talk myself through the struggle without letting it completely derail me.

But, this challenge is coming at a perfect time because I was feeling my momentum waning. The women in my group are so encouraging and inspirational that it’s just the boost I need to propel me forward.

I missed my May 30 goal of 260, but I’m aiming to be there by the end of next week.

I really want to do better at writing as well. My writing is becoming boring. I’m bored writing it. I know the reason for this is that things have been really busy and stressful in my life and I haven’t allowed myself the space and time I need in order to be more creative. 

But…that might be changing.

Watch this space.

Mind Over Matter

30 Monday May 2016

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I had been feeling really crummy about myself for over a week. I felt bloated and uncomfortable. It seemed like, just over night, all the hard work and positive feelings I had experienced were just gone. But, the past few days I have started to return to normal.

I saw a picture of myself, that my husband took yesterday while we were out at my son’s soccer practice, and could tell that I have lost weight. Also, my clothes are still fitting comfortably.

This is a win. I have been telling myself all the way through this miserable patch that, despite how I was feeling, I had made strides in the right direction, I had lost weight, I was looking better, clothes were fitting better and I was able to move with less pain. And, while telling myself these things did not take away the crummy feelings, it helped keep my head in the game. I was able to get through to myself with facts. ‘I know it doesn’t feel like it to you, but it’s fact because of a), b) and c).’

A group of nerdy girls I belong to on FB is doing a “Healthy Habit Challenge” again starting on Wednesday. I’ve done this before with them and it has been great to have the encouragement and support and be part of a fun community.

I’m really excited to just keep going on this journey. I’ve just been through a stormy patch and will write a bit more about it and my experiences as I go along. But, I wanted to say that the promise I had made to myself, to not allow myself to be so blinded that I can’t see improvement, has been paying-off. It meant I didn’t completely lose hope when I really wasn’t feeling it. This ultimate truth of ‘you are better than you were a month ago’ fortified me and held me steady, like an anchor.

I did get tossed-around a bit and ate more chocolate and carbs than I should have. I did go over my calorie budget for the last 2 weeks. BUT, it was nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, and I did continue to make good choices. I even ordered a salad while out running errands on Saturday instead of looking towards the French fries!

This is a huge win for me. I had this whole conversation with myself while looking at the menu. It went something like this:

Me: But, we don’t go out very often. It’s a special treat. Surely, I deserve something yummy and “treat-like”.

Other Me: You DESERVE foods that will make you feel worse, ultimately, and make you fatter?

M: Well, I deserve to be able to eat something and enjoy myself.

OM: But, you ENJOY salad. Why can’t that be your special treat?

M: Because, I love French fries. I want French fries!!!

OM: But, French fries don’t love you back. They make you worse. They make you feel sad and gross.

M: Well…I guess that’s true. But, they taste so good at the time!

OM: You have said, numerous times over the past couple of months, when you’ve had a ‘treat’ how you didn’t really enjoy it and while eating wished that you had eaten an apple or salad instead. Well, here’s your chance to get it right the first time!

M: there is definite truth and logic to that.

OM: All the nutrients that will be in your salad, and how clean and fresh you will feel afterwards, compared to how you feel after French fries (which also don’t offer very much nutrition to you).

M: So, not only will I feel better after eating, I will also have the added bonus of knowing that my body is going to be more happy and healthy as well (even if I don’t even know all of the ways!).

OM: Exactly.

M: Sold! “I’ll have a salad, please!”

And I ate. And I was satisfied.

I’m glad I hadn’t ordered anything more. It would have been way too heavy. As it was, I only ate a small portion of the salad.

Mind over matter. The small victories I’ve been gaining for months are really starting to pay-off in the bigger battle of the bulge.

Lovin’ it.

267.4 So depressing

28 Saturday May 2016

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I wrote about how tough the past couple of weeks has been on a regular post, but I wanted to further reflect on how it has affected my health.

I’m not entirely sure what’s been going on, as I’ve been watching my calorie intake and, although it has been over on some days, it was under on others and the weekly average is fairly close to the goal. And yet, here I sit, 5.4 lbs heavier.

The # isn’t the only thing that is depressing, how I’ve been feeling is where I’m really feeling it. Last weekend I was feeling a little ‘off’ for most of the weekend and I woke-up on Tuesday morning with extreme lower back pain. It felt like I was having back labour all over again, as it would come in waves and have me doubled-over in pain.

The Dr thinks it was smooth muscle spasms over my intestines. But, ever since that I have not felt right. I feel worn and my insides just seem unhappy. I have felt totally bloated for the entire week, my lower back has still not settled-back to normal, and I’ve experienced pains similar to those when I was having a miscarriage inside my ‘female areas’.

I have been trying to make good decisions despite all of this crappy, crummy, depressing feelings I have been experiencing. But, I confess that I have probably failed in this more than I have succeeded. BUT, as I said at the top, my calorie count has remained pretty close to my goal (which is set to lose 1-2 lbs/week) and have gained 4.4.

On top of it, is the bloating and the feelings that go along with it. I had been feeling healthy, fit and happy and all of a sudden it seems like I feel like a big, bloated, water balloon ready to burst and spill out all over the place.

So, I’m going to put this out there, so that I have a record of it and then hit the “Dr Google” to figure out if there is something I can do re: the bloating, rapid weight gain, etc.

I am trying to remain positive and still determined to forge forwards despite this setback.