Tag Archives: Weight Gain

267.4 So depressing

28 Saturday May 2016

Posted by in Seeking Health Now, Uncategorized

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I wrote about how tough the past couple of weeks has been on a regular post, but I wanted to further reflect on how it has affected my health.

I’m not entirely sure what’s been going on, as I’ve been watching my calorie intake and, although it has been over on some days, it was under on others and the weekly average is fairly close to the goal. And yet, here I sit, 5.4 lbs heavier.

The # isn’t the only thing that is depressing, how I’ve been feeling is where I’m really feeling it. Last weekend I was feeling a little ‘off’ for most of the weekend and I woke-up on Tuesday morning with extreme lower back pain. It felt like I was having back labour all over again, as it would come in waves and have me doubled-over in pain.

The Dr thinks it was smooth muscle spasms over my intestines. But, ever since that I have not felt right. I feel worn and my insides just seem unhappy. I have felt totally bloated for the entire week, my lower back has still not settled-back to normal, and I’ve experienced pains similar to those when I was having a miscarriage inside my ‘female areas’.

I have been trying to make good decisions despite all of this crappy, crummy, depressing feelings I have been experiencing. But, I confess that I have probably failed in this more than I have succeeded. BUT, as I said at the top, my calorie count has remained pretty close to my goal (which is set to lose 1-2 lbs/week) and have gained 4.4.

On top of it, is the bloating and the feelings that go along with it. I had been feeling healthy, fit and happy and all of a sudden it seems like I feel like a big, bloated, water balloon ready to burst and spill out all over the place.

So, I’m going to put this out there, so that I have a record of it and then hit the “Dr Google” to figure out if there is something I can do re: the bloating, rapid weight gain, etc.

I am trying to remain positive and still determined to forge forwards despite this setback.

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271.1 – A Weighty Issue

18 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by in All Posts, Seeking Health Now

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Throughout my life, I have found it very frustrating and discouraging how much my weight can fluctuate. My last post saw me at 268.7 and I was feeling very positive. I had given myself a goal of reaching 265 by April 30th and when I saw that # I thought, ‘maybe I can actually reach that goal’. And then, getting on the scale this morning I think ‘there’s no way I’m reaching that goal’.

This is not a new struggle. There have been many times before when I was doing great at this ‘being healthy’ thing and would step on the scale and be up a few, and as much as 5, pounds. And, historically, I would come crashing down and I would give up. ‘If I’m going to gain weight anyway, I may as well eat whatever I like.’

This see-saw of weight and emotions is one of the reasons I have decided to post my weight. It’s important for me to see that it is not the most reliable measurement of the hard work I am putting in. It’s a number. Ultimately, we want to see it trending downwards, but I’m no longer going to allow myself to be discouraged when I step on the scale and the number is up from last time.

Posting my weight (a thought that terrified me a few months ago) has been really positive for me. I used to think that someone other than me knowing what I weighed would be the most humiliating, horrible, dreadful thing.

But, posting the # has, actually, diminished its power and its hold over me. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed like I thought I would be. In fact, I’m proud. I’m proud of myself for being honest about who I am and having the guts to tell the world. I’m also proud of how I don’t feel ashamed about it. It’s good to know that I have that much respect for myself.

I have people in my life who love me just the way I am but up until now, they didn’t know the truth. They didn’t know how fat I really am, because only I knew the “real number”. Now they do. And, guess what? Nothing has changed. They still love me just as much. And now that the ‘dirty little secret’ is out and I’m still loved and accepted and there was no cataclysmic event that followed, I realize just how meaningless the # really is.

This is who I am and, I love myself for who I am. Would I like to see changes? Yes. Does that mean I don’t like myself now? No. Would I like the # to go down and be smaller? Yes. Am I going to get hung-up on it and discouraged if it doesn’t? No.

I am loved. I love myself. I’m doing my best and I am enjoying my life.

You can’t put a weight on that.