Tag Archives: Health

265 (Apr. 27) 267.3 (Apr. 28) Pizza, Art and Fran’s

28 Thursday Apr 2016

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I had pizza for dinner on Tuesday night from Papa John’s. Grilled Chicken, bacon, roma tomatoes and five-cheese. It was so delicious and I had 4 slices.

I stepped on the scale on Wednesday morning and was surprised to see 265-My goal weight!

However, I knew that the pizza hadn’t quite caught up with me, so kept my excitement at bay. Also, I knew that I had planned on having lunch with my husband before heading to the AGO to check-out some art.

We went to Fran’s, one of our favourite joints for lunch. If you live in Toronto, you will probably know about Fran’s. I ordered a “Big Breakfast” knowing that I had pizza last night and probably should have been “taking it easy” on the food-front…sausage, bacon, eggs, toast, home fries and pancakes! [sarcasm]

I ate 2 sausages, 1 bacon, a few bites of toast and eggs, all the home fries and both pancakes. I really love their home fries.

We spent the entire afternoon walking, but I guess fairly low-key, as my steps and calories didn’t seem to burn-out that quickly, despite the fact that I did.

Looking at art is amazing, but it’s actually very tiring as well. When I first arrived I was very teary and everything was making me cry. By the end, everything just started to look the same. This is when I knew it was time to leave, but not before finding the Renoir. I love Renoir. He is my favourite artist of all time.

When we finally made it home, after picking-up our son, I was utterly exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I warmed-up 2 leftover pieces of pizza for dinner and shared them with my son.

This morning when I stepped on the scale, my weight was back up to 267.3. Damn.

The temptation to feel disappointed in myself and go on a bender looms overhead. But, I know better now. There is no need for me to be disappointed. I am doing an incredible job and, I’m just going to keep going.

An important change of thinking for me is to not look at these meals as “mistakes” or with the mentality that I now have to “starve” or “be good” to make up for it, but to just treat them as any other meal. Like a normal person. I don’t have to feel guilty about choosing to have pizza one night instead of eggs and toast.

This is life. I made good choices in the midst of it all. I could have eaten more pizza than I did, but I stopped myself. I could have kept all the pizza for myself, but I shared it with my husband and child and I could have eaten my entire “big breakfast” despite feeling full/satisfied instead of stopping when I felt I had eaten enough.

265 is within reach and I will get there again. More important than that number, I tried some of my “summer” clothes on that I couldn’t fit a couple of months ago, and they fit comfortably now. And, even more important than the clothes, I am feeling good. I feel my body and I can tell there have been positive changes.

I’m still inspired to keep working on these life-long changes and am determined to work on things in little increments so that the changes will be long-lasting and truly transform my approach to food, health, weight loss and nutrition.

266.7 The Magic Flute

25 Monday Apr 2016

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Back when I started this massive attempt at addressing the deeper issues in my lifestyle that I felt were contributing to my inability to lose weight, I created a “goals” calendar for myself.

I had a point system that went something like this:

Daily Points:
Drink 4×24 ounce water = 1 pt
Eat 1 serv vegetable = 1pt
Eat 1 serv fruit = 1pt
No pop = 1pt
1 serv Protein = 1 pt

And so forth.

Then, at the end of the week, I’d get extra points if I managed to do the daily things 3 or more times. For example:

4xwater 4xweek = 10 pts
Eat 1 veg/4xweek = 20 pts
No pop 4x/week = 40 pts

The pts could be adjusted depending upon which areas I found I was struggling with the most, etc.

I wanted to come-up with a prize that would keep me interested and for which I would actually do the work to obtain. So, I set myself the goal of 5, 000 pts (or 50lbs) = Flute.

I want to learn to play the flute because I play brass instruments, and mostly bass clef ones, which are heavy to lug around and loud. This creates a problem for me, because I don’t play often due to the fear that I’ll be disturbing our neighbours.

So, I figured if I learn an instrument that is quieter, I might be able to play more frequently.

This worked AMAZINGLY for the first 6 months. It was as if the flute had magical powers. I was drinking more water, exercising regularly, eating more vegetables, fruit and healthy protein and constantly trying to give-up diet soda.

But, as with all good things, it had to come to an end. I have found that I have now outgrown this point system. But, I still have something like 3500 pts to go before I can get a flute!

This has been an incredible way for me to track my progress. When I first started, I was getting very few points at the end of the week. I struggled to eat fruit and vegetables every day. But, now I can’t imagine not having them daily. Sure, there are still days (usually either Sat/Sun or both) where I’m mostly consuming bread. But, they are the exception now, not the rule.

So, the big question remaining is, how do I get myself my magic flute?

The answer seems simple enough. 50lbs down = Flute.

Only 41.7 more to go.

 

269.7 Give me Sugar and No one gets hurt

20 Wednesday Apr 2016

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I was thinking this morning about weekends. Weekends are tough. For years I have been conditioned to think that weekends are the time to have the things I won’t “allow” myself to have during the week. Weekends are for treats and enjoyment. They always feel like the time to ‘let my hair down’ and “enjoy life”.

There exists in this a false idea that I’m not “enjoying life” the other 5 days/week.

And, as I thought about how to “fix” my weekends so that they didn’t become a huge splurge-fest, I realized that the best place to start is to address this mentality. Because, I love what I eat during the week as well.

I’m not “starving myself” during the week, or forcing myself to eat foods I don’t enjoy to lose weight. First of all, I don’t have enough discipline and secondly, I like pleasure too much. Quality of life is important to me. I don’t want to suffer endlessly just to be thin. That is no way to live life.

But, I enjoy my homemade green smoothies, my salads and veggies, my eggs and toast, and water and coffee. I’m not missing out on anything. I’m eating things I enjoy.

So, why do I still have this mentality tucked-away in the recesses of my brain that tells me that I deserve to splash-out on weekends because I’ve “done so well” or “sacrificed so much” during the week?

I guess it’s that old dieters mentality. When you’ve tried to lose weight for almost your entire life, you develop a certain way of thinking. Things become classified as “good” and “bad”, there are “diet foods” and “treats” or “reward foods”.

When foods are classified in our brains as “good” there is always a sub-heading. It actually reads like this: Good – But, really bad (as in disgusting, not enjoyable, lesser-than). And, the vice versa is also true: Bad – But, really good (as in tastes so incredible, the stuff you really would rather be eating).

These headings get cemented in our brains with memories as well. For example: At birthday parties we don’t bring-out a huge veggie or fruit platter and celebrate. We do it with cake and ice cream.

As a child, whenever I went to the Dentist or Doctor, of if I had a particularly bad, or good, day at school, I was given McDonald’s or a DQ Blizzard as a special treat.

Chips, chocolate, cookies, cakes, pop, candy…these were the things you were given on special occasions. They were given to celebrate, to console, to comfort and to reward. Using these treats as a reward trains our brains to classify them as ‘better’ and the foods ‘to be desired’ and all the regular food as ‘not as good’ or ‘less special’.

There are also chemical reactions certain foods have in our brains and the release of dopamine is comparable to that of drinking alcohol or consuming other. For a bit more information you can check out these sites:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200301/real-sugar-high

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/your-brain-on-sugar?page=1

https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/06/17/everything-you-need-to-know-about-sugar/

But, I have found, lately, as I have been trying to be more mindful when I am eating, that these “treats” are not really as enjoyable as they promise to be. There may be a a brief dopamine hit, but it fades and I realize that the actual food is not that enjoyable any more. However, because they are so wrapped-up in memories of rewards, a history of emotions, and the happy dopamine buzz, I want to keep eating them because I know, from memory, that they brought happiness and I’m expecting them to do it again.

I treated myself to a Boston Cream donut on the weekend and, it was ok. But really, my thoughts of it were ‘meh’-I didn’t really need that. BUT, when I had a few bites of my son’s grilled chicken wrap…YUM. That was something I truly enjoyed and I had wished I had skipped the donut and treated myself to one of those instead.

I have learned a lot watching my son, actually. We never fed him sweets or offered sugar cookies, drinks, etc. to him until recently. And, we found that he doesn’t like them. I suspect that this is because he has, since he was 4 months old, enjoyed natural foods and when we offer him the confectionery it just doesn’t taste as good. I’d like to raise him without the treat mentality. I want him to continue to be overjoyed when he sees we purchased a watermelon or cantaloupe and have zero feelings when he sees a packet of brownies. But, I have to get it right in myself first.

Therefore, on top of working on mindful eating, I am also going to be working on retraining my brain. I want to break this “treat mentality” and learn to have a healthier attitude to all foods.

 

271.1 – A Weighty Issue

18 Monday Apr 2016

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Throughout my life, I have found it very frustrating and discouraging how much my weight can fluctuate. My last post saw me at 268.7 and I was feeling very positive. I had given myself a goal of reaching 265 by April 30th and when I saw that # I thought, ‘maybe I can actually reach that goal’. And then, getting on the scale this morning I think ‘there’s no way I’m reaching that goal’.

This is not a new struggle. There have been many times before when I was doing great at this ‘being healthy’ thing and would step on the scale and be up a few, and as much as 5, pounds. And, historically, I would come crashing down and I would give up. ‘If I’m going to gain weight anyway, I may as well eat whatever I like.’

This see-saw of weight and emotions is one of the reasons I have decided to post my weight. It’s important for me to see that it is not the most reliable measurement of the hard work I am putting in. It’s a number. Ultimately, we want to see it trending downwards, but I’m no longer going to allow myself to be discouraged when I step on the scale and the number is up from last time.

Posting my weight (a thought that terrified me a few months ago) has been really positive for me. I used to think that someone other than me knowing what I weighed would be the most humiliating, horrible, dreadful thing.

But, posting the # has, actually, diminished its power and its hold over me. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed like I thought I would be. In fact, I’m proud. I’m proud of myself for being honest about who I am and having the guts to tell the world. I’m also proud of how I don’t feel ashamed about it. It’s good to know that I have that much respect for myself.

I have people in my life who love me just the way I am but up until now, they didn’t know the truth. They didn’t know how fat I really am, because only I knew the “real number”. Now they do. And, guess what? Nothing has changed. They still love me just as much. And now that the ‘dirty little secret’ is out and I’m still loved and accepted and there was no cataclysmic event that followed, I realize just how meaningless the # really is.

This is who I am and, I love myself for who I am. Would I like to see changes? Yes. Does that mean I don’t like myself now? No. Would I like the # to go down and be smaller? Yes. Am I going to get hung-up on it and discouraged if it doesn’t? No.

I am loved. I love myself. I’m doing my best and I am enjoying my life.

You can’t put a weight on that.

270.3

14 Thursday Apr 2016

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It turns-out, I’ve managed to maintain the same weight for awhile. This is a good sign. This is evidence to me that, despite recent “off the rails” moments where pizza and potato chips were flowing, my gut feeling was right-I am bingeing less. I have been more mindful while eating and this has helped me to not just eat until there is nothing left to eat. When I have had chips, pizza, etc. I have stopped myself when I started feeling full or realized that I wasn’t really enjoying it anymore.

Progress.

Now, it’s time to step it up a little bit more and take it to the next level.

And, I think, that this is all happened organically as “the next level” is exactly what I initiated this week with my experiment of flipping my day on its head and having my breakfast for dinner.

It hasn’t been a picture-perfect start. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I haven’t gone into my new eating regime and done everything perfectly. In the past I would have, and it wouldn’t have lasted long.

I haven’t been “regimented” in what I had to eat, but I have really tried to stick to the ‘spirit’ of the plan.

Yesterday, I stuck to the “plan” closer than I had all week and it meant that I finished the day well-within my caloric intake goal.

Here’s how the day went: Coffee, Water and homemade Green Smoothie for Breakfast

Salad for lunch (without protein, however, because I forgot it at home)

Lean Ham sandwich, on whole wheat, with lettuce and mustard; 1 hard boiled egg, 3 pcs of rye toast (2 w marg, 1 w p.butter), cantaloupe, tea and water for dinner.

I also did a workout last night. I was 2,000 steps off my step goal and determined to go to bed over 10, 000 steps.

Also, a few weekends ago I did a crazy amount of heavy lifting (massive couches and recliners, etc.) to the point that everything was sore and shaking. But, after the pain wore-off I had some pretty bulky muscles appearing in my arms. I have lifted weights since I was in high school, though, never seriously body-building, just free weights. And so, while working on getting steps in, I did some free weight exercises as well because I didn’t want to lose those muscles.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty good this morning. I feel like I am heading in the right direction and the little progress that I have made so far is building a super strong foundation for me to continue to make the necessary changes that will go the distance.

It’s all about the journey.

272.3

12 Tuesday Apr 2016

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Well, I checked the weight today and was under what I thought I might be. However, it is still a gain. Sigh.

I’m not surprised and I’m definitely not feeling frustrated by it. You can’t be surprised you have gained weight when you have recently consumed pizza, chinese takeout, kfc, chocolate, chips and copious amounts of toast.

However, as I’ve stated before, in all of this I still don’t feel like I binge as badly as I used to. When I binge, I am actually consuming less and I’m off the rails for a shorter period of time. Progress.

I’m all about small victories. I am working really hard to develop a mindset and healthy lifestyle that is long-lasting, not a ‘flash in the pan’. I have to “reset” my mind, emotions, actions, approaches and lifestyle. These are not things that happen over night. I am working on changing a relationship I’ve been in my entire life. This has been an extremely unhealthy relationship that often mimics Stockholm Syndrome

Feelings of love towards my captor.

This is why I like my current idea of ‘freeing’ myself from allowing food to rule, by taking away all the questions, variables, doubts, feelings, etc. and just saying “this is what I’m eating at this time, every day”.

And, on that note, a follow-up from my first attempt to do that yesterday:

I found that, around 2pm I was really looking forward to the treat of going home and having my hard boiled eggs, toast and tea. It was great to have a “treat” in mind for the end of the day that wasn’t a guilty pleasure, but something that I had built-into a healthy menu plan of sorts.

I didn’t, however, end-up having that.

I had bought some wholegrain texas toast on the weekend with the thoughts of making french toast with it. So, that’s what I did last night. We had french toast. I did have eggs and bread for dinner, but in a different format. Not as healthy, but I was ok with that.

HOWEVER…

I was freezing cold last night and just couldn’t warm up no matter what. My nose felt like an ice block. When I’m cold I want warm, comforting, foods. So, I ate a bag of hot, steamy, popcorn. And had a few chocolate easter eggs.

I’m still calling yesterday a success. It was a good start to the experiment. Usually, if I do things perfectly out of the gate I find that I fizzle-out pretty quickly. I’m thinking that this slow, ramp-up, might actually be the best way to get into it.

We’ll see how it goes. I forgot to put my smoothie in the fridge last night, so I have a frozen chunk of spinach/vanilla greek yogurt/strawberries/bananas/ground chia/ground flax and water sitting beside me in hopes it thaws soon enough to actually have some of it for breakfast.

And, I forgot to bring some protein to add to my salad. AND, I have the dentist after work, so won’t be home and eating my eggs and toast until much later.

But, I’m still feeling positive and hopeful about it all.

So, here we go—Tuesday.

Day 1 of the Trial Meal Plan/Swap

11 Monday Apr 2016

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Today is the first day I am attempting to have my green smoothie for breakfast (along with coffee and water), a salad/or similar for lunch and my hard boiled eggs and toast for dinner.

I have already cheated this morning because I had some bread and margarine left over at work, so I had 2 ½ pieces of light rye toast with my morning coffee. But, I have no bread left here, so tomorrow morning we’ll see if I can go the entire day until home-time without bread. That’s a HUGE feat for me as I would be perfectly happy eating bread/toast with/for every meal.

It’s 12:36pm and I’m still working on my smoothie (it is still, partially, a frozen clump-) and have made a salmon sandwich (leftover salmon from last night’s dinner) with lettuce and baby carrots on the side.

I’m going to take tomorrow’s smoothie out of the freezer tonight and put it in the fridge. Hopefully, that will mean that it will be ready to eat earlier tomorrow morning.

I haven’t weighed myself in a long time, so I might do that tomorrow morning and report back. I’m guessing I’m going to be around 272.

My goals for the rest of the day are: Drink more water, finish my carrots, finish my smoothie, have 2 hd boiled eggs and 2 pcs. Of toast with tea and water for dinner and, if I need another snack, let it be fruit/veg or 100 cals or less and finally, to do some form of a workout tonight. I feel like I need a really low-key kind of evening. Maybe 1 tv show with the husband, and then some quiet time (yoga, perhaps?) and an early night to bed.

Also, I haven’t had any chocolate yet today (despite intensely craving some for most of the morning). But, I have a homemade chocolate/peanut butter/pecan cookie waiting for me at home. So, that will also be happening tonight.

Groceries-Meal Planning

06 Wednesday Apr 2016

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We haven’t done a grocery shop in over a week. This means that things are running low. We’ve stopped at the corner store for milk, eggs and bread so I’ve been able to make hard boiled eggs for the week. And, I had some iceberg lettuce from our last shop, but that’s it.

When the fridge gets low on my “regular” meal/food items, disaster ensues.

This is when I start going to Tim Horton’s for breakfast sandwiches, a meal combo (of course) and since I hate the hashbrowns there it also means a donut. I could get the sandwich and the drink separately, but I’m always plagued with the idea that I’m wasting money that way. However, I think I’m going to do it the next time I cave and go to Tim Horton’s for breakfast. It may not be as economically savvy, but I don’t often even want the donut, I just get it because that’s what you do.

Other things that happen with the fridge is lacking my regular bounty of fruit, veg, smoothies and protein: we order dinner in (pizza, chicken, thai, indian), eat lunch out (Subway), eat more toast, more cereal, more chocolate, more snacks.

I’ve been realizing, lately, that I really enjoy having, basically, the same thing every morning. I’m happy with 1-2 pieces of toast, 1-2 hard-boiled eggs, water and a mocha. Ideally, I would have a diet soda as well, but I still would like to, one day, kick that habit.

This got me thinking about whether, or not, I’d be able to have set breakfast and lunch 7 days/week.

For lunch I have been enjoying salad with chicken or turkey and creamy poppyseed dressing.

I’d like to have 1 green smoothie/day as well, but fitting it into my day is a bit more tricky.

So, I’ve been contemplating trying water/coffee/green smoothie for breakfast, salad for lunch and eggs and toast for dinner (I always crave toast the most at the end of the day).

But, groceries are important or else, none of this is possible.

I’m going to aim to get groceries tonight after work and then I might do a trial run for the rest of the week of following this meal plan. If I had that set and then worked-out a few snacks around the edges, this could work for me.

But, first of all, groceries.

I must get groceries.

Heather 2.0

29 Tuesday Mar 2016

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*

For many years, I wanted to be able to hit a reset button on my life and try to do it again the way it should have been done all along.

I have wanted to set myself up to be more successful than I’ve been with the first attempt. I have often felt like I made the wrong choice in “The Game of Life” and it has ruined the whole game for me. You know, when you choose to skip college and go straight into the workforce and then there is no way you can win the game.

But, the older I get the more I realize that, although my life choices up to this point have not helped me get a ‘leg up’ in life,  they also have made me the person I am today.

And, although I’m not perfect (not even close), the truth is, I think I do actually like myself. I like my sense of humor, my intelligence, how much I care for people and my ability to make people feel at ease.

And so, instead of starting over, I’m going to approach my current state as a sort of system upgrade. Heather 2.0

It’s easy to sit-back and say “well, I never went to university and I’ve missed my chance. Boo-hoo for me”. But, I’ve never been someone who likes “easy”.

I’ve always loved a good challenge.

It’s true that I never went to university. It’s true that I have a family now and a desire to be in bed by 10:30pm and so I will never have the “college experience”.

But, that doesn’t mean that I can’t pursue my dreams.

There have always been a great number of ares that interested me and all kinds of things I have wanted to do and to be in life.
But, none of these have ever been as persistent as being fit and being a writer.

Therefore, Heather 2.0 is all about pursuing these dreams.

I have spent the bulk of my life doing what I was told, what I thought people wanted from me, what I thought people needed and being a person who always put others before myself.

It is my time.

It is my time to do what I want to do. To do what makes me happy. To think about and put myself first some times.

And, truthfully, to stop being a whimp and start doing what needs to be done to be the person I want to be.

As with all system upgrades, however, there will be glitches as I go along and things will constantly need to be tweaked and adapted. But, the important thing is that I’m all in. I’m totally invested in myself in a way I never have been before.

Welcome to the world, Heather 2.0.

It’s gonna be great.

*

 

When I’m Tired

27 Sunday Mar 2016

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When I’m tired I totally reach for the carbs. Salty, crunchy chips, chocolate and the sharp, cutting edge of a diet soda.

This is something I really want to work on. I actually plan ahead when I know a tiring time is coming. I make sure we have chips, chocolate and pop in the house. I want to find some alternatives to reaching for these ‘old friends’ for these times.

This past week I have had a bowl of cereal in the evening which, I know is still not great, but is a lot better than the alternative. BBQ Rice crisps are also good.

I did try to load my plate with more veggies during meal times recently and am especially happy because my family visited us this weekend and cooked the most amazing green beans I have ever had. I have no idea why I loved them so much, as I’ve never really enjoyed green beans before, and they didn’t do anything special to them. But, it has inspired me to buy and cook more of these. They really made me happy.

I am also determined to do a short workout before bed tonight.

Being healthy is tough when tired. And I’m tired most of the time. I am learning that I have to start preparing for these times. I mean, if I could think-ahead and prepare by gathering unhealthy stuff for the times when I know I’m going to be tired, I can do it with healthy things too, right?

And, on that note, time to log-off and go do something healthy before bed.