Tag Archives: losing weight

Yo Momma’s so Fat…

25 Monday Jul 2016

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These words haunt me like the ghost of Christmas yet-to-come.

 Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell “taxi!”

Yo mama is so fat she threw on a sheet for Halloween and went as Antarctica.

Yo mama is so fat she can’t even jump to conclusions.

 

When you’re trying to lose weight, one of the things that you are supposed to do is come-up with “the big Why”. Why do you want to lose weight? Why are you willing to make sacrifices? Why are you going to get up and exercise when you really don’t want to? Why are you going to choose a side salad instead of fries?

The big Why.

I have really struggled with a clear answer to this. But, one thing that can bring some motivation to me to move beyond myself, put down that french fry and pick-up the salad fork, is my son.

I hate the thought that I will be a weapon that other children will use to hurt him. Especially since the taunts will have so much truth to them if I stay as I am now.

I don’t want to think that he will, at any time, be embarrassed of me because of how I look. I know he will be embarrassed about how “uncool” I am at some point (that is inevitable with teenagers), and I will take great delight in purposefully finding ways to make him groan “Moooom” at some point, like singing in public or trying to get a kiss from him in front of his mates.

But, I don’t want him to be embarrassed because I’m fat. In the very least, if the kids are taunting him because of how I look, I want him to know that his momma has worked really hard to be fit and healthy and that it is nothing of which to be ashamed or embarrassed.

 “Yo momma’s so fat…she wasn’t able to play with you much as you grew up and you both missed-out on a lifetime of fun, happy, memories and you weren’t able to do a lot of things you should have been able to do because no one was fit enough to take you…”

Ok, it doesn’t roll-off the tongue like the other things, but it is a tape that plays over-and-over in my head every day. I don’t want this to be our future together.

I want to lose weight for my son so that I can do things with him as he grows up:  Amusement park rides, spelunking, rock climbing, cycling, swimming, go-karts, running, playing sports, kayaking, scuba diving…whatever it is that he wants to do, I want to be able to do it with him.

He’ll need someone to go on rides with him at amusement parks, but there’s no way they will let me go because they won’t be able to secure the bar for him because of how big I am.

“I’m sorry, buddy, we can’t go on that ride because Mommy’s too fat.”

“I’m sorry, dude, I don’t fit in go-karts. I’m too fat.”

“We can’t do that cave, sweetie. I’m too fat to fit through the tunnel.”

I’m sorry, love. Mommy’s too fat to climb that wall with you.”

The ghost of things to come is not a pleasant one.

So, like Scrooge McDuck (what? you know…from The Muppet Christmas Carol…that well-loved movie that uses a well-crafted story line, delightful characters and upbeat music to teach a valuable lesson?), I’m wanting to learn from what I see in my future and make the necessary changes to avoid such a miserable state from actually coming to pass.

It’s not my only big “why” (and so some would argue, that it’s not a “real” big why because some people feel like the big “why” has to be just ONE, sole, reason—I totally disagree, by the way), but it’s a pretty good one.

I have already made some headway in this big “why”: Although I’m not totally comfortable, I have more confidence to put on a swimsuit and take him to the pool–something I have been too nervous or self-conscious to do for most of his 2 1/2 years. When I take him to soccer, I’m happy to be out on the field kicking-around a ball with him instead of hiding behind his stroller where no one can see me. When we go to the park, I climb the structures and even go down the slides with him. I’m not the most comfortable doing it, but I’ve already gained some confidence and abilities back that had been lost for awhile and I’m just looking-forward to increasing this list so that there is nothing that is holding me back.

“Yo Momma’s so fat…ugh…um…hmph. I don’t know. What can’t your momma do?”

Now, that’s more like it.

266 :(

14 Thursday Jul 2016

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Sigh.

4 lbs up from that joyous moment where I thought I had said “goodbye” to the ‘baby weight’ forever.

I lost track of my food plan and with that, my focus. I’ve only just started to realize that I’ve been living with this “summer fun” mentality that snuck up on me and I just wasn’t prepared for it.

I expect to crave carbs during winter, but the summer cravings were unexpected. I’ve found myself thinking ‘but it’s summer, and summer’s for fun!’. Hotdogs, potato chips, hamburgers, chocolate, pop, s’mores…the things that summer is made from, right?

It’s another mindset I need to fix. Why isn’t summer made up of watermelon, strawberries, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, peaches and hummus? It’s just another area where I have all this history and deeply-rooted ideas of what brings happiness. I have clear memories of happy moments in my childhood, during summer, with potato chips, pop and chocolate bars. But, it wasn’t  just the food that made them happy. And, even if it was, it doesn’t have to be the case now. So, I am trying to re-learn these memories and re-condition my mind.

Another misconception I had was that the summer would bring a diminished appetite, so I didn’t worry about pre-thinking my portions. However, this summer, the exact opposite seems to be true. I feel constantly hungry.

Lately I’ve been trying to think of things that will leave me feeling satiated for a long time, make me happy and won’t completely blow the calorie count.
And, while I know what those things are, eating them is entirely different. I bring a jam-packed smoothie to work (Spinach, Greek Yogurt, Banana, Strawberries, milk, ground chia and flax) and I know that it’s the best option for me…but, that Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate bar that was given to me is just soooooo tempting. I will enjoy it more than the smoothies and it will make the chemicals in my head happy. I eat it. And it does those things. But, 20 minutes later and I am hungry again.
The solution seems easy. Leave the chocolate, eat the smoothie. But, and I’ve written about this before so I don’t want to belabour the point, my brain is used to the chemical reactions of chocolate and I know that the ‘hit’ will make me feel happy, even if just momentarily.

So, I just have to constantly retrain the thought processes. And, actually, I’ve had some victories this week. Of course, the best way to deal with it is still to just not have the temptation around. And so, it’s time to remove the chocolate from my desk and put it out on the staff table.

256 today…heading back to 252.

I can and I will.

252 Lighter than What?

17 Friday Jun 2016

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I am officially the lightest I’ve been since T was born. Not only that, but I am the lightest I’ve been since I began tracking my weight on LoseIt back in December 2012.

Soon, I will be waving the ’50’s bye-bye, saying “Hello 40’s, I don’t intend to stay long, because I’m on my way to the 30’s”.

It’s exciting to see the changes that have taken place not only in my body, but in my mind and emotions. I have been able to make the kinds of changes that will, hopefully, see this weight loss as a permanent one and not a flash in the pan like it has been in the past.

I am excited. I am losing weight and feeling great.

It’s incredible how much of a difference losing weight has made in my life. Oh, and on that topic, I should also mention that I have lost 23 lbs since I started this blog, which is pretty wonderful. 

I can’t wait to see how incredible I will feel after I lose the next 23.

Here I come, 40’s, I will see you soon.

265 (Apr. 27) 267.3 (Apr. 28) Pizza, Art and Fran’s

28 Thursday Apr 2016

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I had pizza for dinner on Tuesday night from Papa John’s. Grilled Chicken, bacon, roma tomatoes and five-cheese. It was so delicious and I had 4 slices.

I stepped on the scale on Wednesday morning and was surprised to see 265-My goal weight!

However, I knew that the pizza hadn’t quite caught up with me, so kept my excitement at bay. Also, I knew that I had planned on having lunch with my husband before heading to the AGO to check-out some art.

We went to Fran’s, one of our favourite joints for lunch. If you live in Toronto, you will probably know about Fran’s. I ordered a “Big Breakfast” knowing that I had pizza last night and probably should have been “taking it easy” on the food-front…sausage, bacon, eggs, toast, home fries and pancakes! [sarcasm]

I ate 2 sausages, 1 bacon, a few bites of toast and eggs, all the home fries and both pancakes. I really love their home fries.

We spent the entire afternoon walking, but I guess fairly low-key, as my steps and calories didn’t seem to burn-out that quickly, despite the fact that I did.

Looking at art is amazing, but it’s actually very tiring as well. When I first arrived I was very teary and everything was making me cry. By the end, everything just started to look the same. This is when I knew it was time to leave, but not before finding the Renoir. I love Renoir. He is my favourite artist of all time.

When we finally made it home, after picking-up our son, I was utterly exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I warmed-up 2 leftover pieces of pizza for dinner and shared them with my son.

This morning when I stepped on the scale, my weight was back up to 267.3. Damn.

The temptation to feel disappointed in myself and go on a bender looms overhead. But, I know better now. There is no need for me to be disappointed. I am doing an incredible job and, I’m just going to keep going.

An important change of thinking for me is to not look at these meals as “mistakes” or with the mentality that I now have to “starve” or “be good” to make up for it, but to just treat them as any other meal. Like a normal person. I don’t have to feel guilty about choosing to have pizza one night instead of eggs and toast.

This is life. I made good choices in the midst of it all. I could have eaten more pizza than I did, but I stopped myself. I could have kept all the pizza for myself, but I shared it with my husband and child and I could have eaten my entire “big breakfast” despite feeling full/satisfied instead of stopping when I felt I had eaten enough.

265 is within reach and I will get there again. More important than that number, I tried some of my “summer” clothes on that I couldn’t fit a couple of months ago, and they fit comfortably now. And, even more important than the clothes, I am feeling good. I feel my body and I can tell there have been positive changes.

I’m still inspired to keep working on these life-long changes and am determined to work on things in little increments so that the changes will be long-lasting and truly transform my approach to food, health, weight loss and nutrition.

270.3

14 Thursday Apr 2016

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It turns-out, I’ve managed to maintain the same weight for awhile. This is a good sign. This is evidence to me that, despite recent “off the rails” moments where pizza and potato chips were flowing, my gut feeling was right-I am bingeing less. I have been more mindful while eating and this has helped me to not just eat until there is nothing left to eat. When I have had chips, pizza, etc. I have stopped myself when I started feeling full or realized that I wasn’t really enjoying it anymore.

Progress.

Now, it’s time to step it up a little bit more and take it to the next level.

And, I think, that this is all happened organically as “the next level” is exactly what I initiated this week with my experiment of flipping my day on its head and having my breakfast for dinner.

It hasn’t been a picture-perfect start. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I haven’t gone into my new eating regime and done everything perfectly. In the past I would have, and it wouldn’t have lasted long.

I haven’t been “regimented” in what I had to eat, but I have really tried to stick to the ‘spirit’ of the plan.

Yesterday, I stuck to the “plan” closer than I had all week and it meant that I finished the day well-within my caloric intake goal.

Here’s how the day went: Coffee, Water and homemade Green Smoothie for Breakfast

Salad for lunch (without protein, however, because I forgot it at home)

Lean Ham sandwich, on whole wheat, with lettuce and mustard; 1 hard boiled egg, 3 pcs of rye toast (2 w marg, 1 w p.butter), cantaloupe, tea and water for dinner.

I also did a workout last night. I was 2,000 steps off my step goal and determined to go to bed over 10, 000 steps.

Also, a few weekends ago I did a crazy amount of heavy lifting (massive couches and recliners, etc.) to the point that everything was sore and shaking. But, after the pain wore-off I had some pretty bulky muscles appearing in my arms. I have lifted weights since I was in high school, though, never seriously body-building, just free weights. And so, while working on getting steps in, I did some free weight exercises as well because I didn’t want to lose those muscles.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty good this morning. I feel like I am heading in the right direction and the little progress that I have made so far is building a super strong foundation for me to continue to make the necessary changes that will go the distance.

It’s all about the journey.

When I’m Tired

27 Sunday Mar 2016

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When I’m tired I totally reach for the carbs. Salty, crunchy chips, chocolate and the sharp, cutting edge of a diet soda.

This is something I really want to work on. I actually plan ahead when I know a tiring time is coming. I make sure we have chips, chocolate and pop in the house. I want to find some alternatives to reaching for these ‘old friends’ for these times.

This past week I have had a bowl of cereal in the evening which, I know is still not great, but is a lot better than the alternative. BBQ Rice crisps are also good.

I did try to load my plate with more veggies during meal times recently and am especially happy because my family visited us this weekend and cooked the most amazing green beans I have ever had. I have no idea why I loved them so much, as I’ve never really enjoyed green beans before, and they didn’t do anything special to them. But, it has inspired me to buy and cook more of these. They really made me happy.

I am also determined to do a short workout before bed tonight.

Being healthy is tough when tired. And I’m tired most of the time. I am learning that I have to start preparing for these times. I mean, if I could think-ahead and prepare by gathering unhealthy stuff for the times when I know I’m going to be tired, I can do it with healthy things too, right?

And, on that note, time to log-off and go do something healthy before bed.