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~ When life doesn't turn out as you had hoped it would – It may not be 100% factual, but it is 100% me.

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Tag Archives: change

The Word Became Flesh

30 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by Heather Irwin in All Posts, Seeking Life Now

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Brave, change, Christian, Church, City, Courage, Dreams, God, life, Minister, Mission, Missionary, Naive, Toronto, Word

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When I was in my early 20’s I moved to Toronto.

For years I had been working towards becoming a minister in a non-denominational church. I had received acceptance into the school that would last 2 years and see me ordained as a minister upon completion of the training.

I had packed all my boxes and my current job contract was going to be finished in a couple of weeks when I received a letter from the school stating that they had decided to defer my acceptance for one year.

There had been a few young, single, women that had recently gone-through the training, found it all too much once they had been ordained, and crashed and burned within a few years of graduating. They were nervous the same thing would happen to me.

And so, I found myself sitting there, staring at the wall, wondering what I was going to do next.

I pulled-out my journal and pen, prepared to write my frustration, fear, anger, doubt and confusion when a pamphlet fell-out and fluttered to the floor.

The pamphlet talked about a rough area in Toronto where ‘real Christians’ were supposed to be. “Give a year-get a Life” it judged that what I was currently doing was not good enough. “The Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighbourhood” – words from John 1:14 called to me promising the opportunity to become the living, breathing, word of God in a community that desperately needed it.

Within an hour I was dialing the 416 number, butterflies exploding within my stomach and my head spinning with nerves.

I spoke to a guy who sounded very cool and expressed interest in having me come and join the team. I was told that I would have a place to live and that they would help me find a job when I arrived. By the time the conversation was done, it was pretty much decided. I would be moving to Toronto.

With $500 in my bank account and a world of dreams in my heart, I headed for the city.

I was extremely young and naïve and it became painfully obvious within my first few days there that I was in way over my head.

I remember sitting in a meeting with the guy I had spoken with on the phone, the local minister of the organisation and the office administrator, barely being able to understand anything they were saying. They seemed to speak their own language, using words and expressions I had never heard before.

I sat there observing like a National Geographic photographer crouched in the grass, watching a pride of lions creeping upon a herd of gazelles.

I could barely get my head wrapped around it all.

Here I was. Young, inexperienced, uneducated, unprepared and ready to save the world.

The Word become flesh.

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Bubbling Up

29 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Heather Irwin in All Posts, Seeking Health Now

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change, Empowerment, Energy, Exercise, Fibromyalgia, Hypothyroidism, Momentum, Planning, Preparation, Schedule, Slumps, Vegetables

I feel like I am, slowly, making progress upwards.

That part of me that has a bit of drive, ambition and focus towards reaching my goal is gaining some momentum again.

I ate well today, am drinking tonnes of water, starting regular exercise again and feeling totally positive about it all.

One thing I am learning is that, while I have momentum, I have to maximize it. Part of my Fibromyalgia and Hypothyroidism is going through regular slumps. These slumps have taken me down every time. But, I have really been working on finding ways to prepare for them and how to get through them retaining as many good habits as I possibly can.

I want to talk about Fibromyalgia for a moment as the fact that I suffer from this was, once again, made painfully aware to me when I was on the bus today.

I sat down in a seat that has a bar attached to it and the pressure of the bar against my leg caused excruciating pain. It was as though my entire leg was deeply bruised and someone was poking me with a stick. In fact, it hurt so much that I decided to stand-up in the end.

Both Fibromyalgia and Hypothroidism are huge energy-drains. This can make it really difficult to be healthy. I often don’t feel like I have the energy to stand up, let alone prepare healthy meals or, what the freaking hell do you mean by exercise.

These illnesses are double-edged swords. The best things you can do to fend-off the negative symptoms are to eat well and exercise. But, you try to pull yourself up to do this when you feel like you are half-dead, zero energy, no drive, in pain from head to foot and your brain has turned to mush.

But, I’m determined to find my way around these illnesses and build structure into my life that will help me grind the edges of both sides of this sword so that, every time it rears its ugly head, it cuts me up a little less and I’m able to heal and bounce-back a little quicker.

I’m excited about tomorrow. I’m looking-forward to drinking more water, eating more vegetables and enjoying some movement.

I want to ride the momentum of this fizz that is bubbling up inside of me, make the most of it, continue to learn and grow, and get better than the last time.

One day, this feeling will last longer and the slumps will diminish.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

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Heather 2.0

29 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Heather Irwin in All Posts, Seeking Life Now

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Ambition, change, Courage, Dreams, Health, Regret, System Upgrad, Writing

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For many years, I wanted to be able to hit a reset button on my life and try to do it again the way it should have been done all along.

I have wanted to set myself up to be more successful than I’ve been with the first attempt. I have often felt like I made the wrong choice in “The Game of Life” and it has ruined the whole game for me. You know, when you choose to skip college and go straight into the workforce and then there is no way you can win the game.

But, the older I get the more I realize that, although my life choices up to this point have not helped me get a ‘leg up’ in life,  they also have made me the person I am today.

And, although I’m not perfect (not even close), the truth is, I think I do actually like myself. I like my sense of humor, my intelligence, how much I care for people and my ability to make people feel at ease.

And so, instead of starting over, I’m going to approach my current state as a sort of system upgrade. Heather 2.0

It’s easy to sit-back and say “well, I never went to university and I’ve missed my chance. Boo-hoo for me”. But, I’ve never been someone who likes “easy”.

I’ve always loved a good challenge.

It’s true that I never went to university. It’s true that I have a family now and a desire to be in bed by 10:30pm and so I will never have the “college experience”.

But, that doesn’t mean that I can’t pursue my dreams.

There have always been a great number of ares that interested me and all kinds of things I have wanted to do and to be in life.
But, none of these have ever been as persistent as being fit and being a writer.

Therefore, Heather 2.0 is all about pursuing these dreams.

I have spent the bulk of my life doing what I was told, what I thought people wanted from me, what I thought people needed and being a person who always put others before myself.

It is my time.

It is my time to do what I want to do. To do what makes me happy. To think about and put myself first some times.

And, truthfully, to stop being a whimp and start doing what needs to be done to be the person I want to be.

As with all system upgrades, however, there will be glitches as I go along and things will constantly need to be tweaked and adapted. But, the important thing is that I’m all in. I’m totally invested in myself in a way I never have been before.

Welcome to the world, Heather 2.0.

It’s gonna be great.

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